dog and cat diaries

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by panhead, Jul 6, 2007.

  1. panhead

    panhead Smoke Blower

    EXCERPTS FROM A GOLDEN RETREIVER'S DIARY

    8:00 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    9:30 a.m. Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
    9:40 a.m. Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
    10:30 a.m. Oh boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
    11:30 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    Noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
    1:00 p.m. Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
    4:00 p.m. Oh boy! To the park! My favorite!
    5:00 p.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
    5:30 p.m. Oh boy! Pretty flower! My favorite!
    6:00 p.m. Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
    6:30 p.m. Oh boy! Watching TV w/my master! My favorite!
    8:30 p.m. Oh boy! Sleeping in my master's bed! My favorite!

    EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY

    Day 183 of my capitivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

    I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.......
     
  2. chris_harper

    chris_harper Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    those are too funny!!
     

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