The Rules of Men

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by werdwolf, Jan 21, 2010.

  1. werdwolf

    werdwolf Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    * ** The rules from the male side.** ** *

    *These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
    _ON PURPOSE!_** *

    *1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem** **_only_** if you want help solving it.
    That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the ** **_other one_** **

    1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

    1. Christopher Columbus did **_NOT_** need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
    We have **_no_** idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it **_will_** be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... **_Really_** .**

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,
    or** ** golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. **_ _**_Round _**IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; After my wife reads this, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
  2. this is perfect..making the ol' lady read it right now. [​IMG]
  3. scarbelly

    scarbelly Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    I posted those when we first got married 25 years ago and they somehow disapeared one day and I never did figure out what happened to them.
  4. the dude abides

    the dude abides Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Those are great.
  5. pepeskitty

    pepeskitty Smoking Fanatic

    I definately have to share this with the wife.

    Great one, thanks for sharing.
  6. alblancher

    alblancher Master of the Pit Group Lead OTBS Member

    Apparently at one time or another you where married to my wife.
  7. marty catka

    marty catka Meat Mopper

    ROTFLMAO Great stuff! Copying for my wife as well. Thanks for the laugh!
  8. rivet

    rivet Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Love it! Great list, thanks for posting.

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