The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it' s time for my nap. - Bob Hope
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things. - Jilly Cooper
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Mark Twain
Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it' s time for my nap. - Bob Hope
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation... as you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. - Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. - Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
