An old one I remembered from my childhood.

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Epic Pitmaster
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SMF Premier Member
Sep 15, 2012
Mrs Robinson was a well to do elderly woman who happened to live near a poultry farm. When her husband passed away Mrs. Robinson decided to get a pet for some dearly missed companionship. While shopping at the local pet store she happened to see a parrot with a plume of beautiful feathers on his head standing proudly on his perch. After a brief conversation with the store clerk. Mrs Robinson decided to purchase the parrot. After a few weeks had past the farmer nextdoor stopped by Mrs. Robinsons house. The farmer then informed Mrs. Robinson that her parrot was sneaking out of her house at night and #ucking his chickens. Mrs Robinson apologized and told the farmer that she’d make sure it didn’t happen again. Another week had passed and the farmer once agian stopped by Mrs Robinson’s house. He politely told her that the parrot was still #ucking his chickens at night. Mrs. Robinson being the good neighbor that she was promised the farmer that this time would be the last time the parrot snuck out of the house to #uck his chickens. With that being said Mrs. Robinson immediatly grabbed the parrot and proceeded to pluck off his beautiful plume of head feathers. The next evening Mrs.Robinson was putting on a soiree for some of her and her recently departed husbands friends. Since Mrs. Robinson had trained her parrot to mimic a few words; she thought it’d be a wonderful idea to have the parrot perched near the front door greeting her guests as they came to the soiree. The parrot was taught to say “Ladies to the left, Gentleman to the right”. As the first couple entered Mrs Robinsons home. The parrot on cue said ladies to the left and gentleman to the right. Mrs. Robinsons parrot performed this task flawlessly for the next few couples that arrived at the party. Then a balding man and his wife entered the party.and before Mrs. Robinson could do anything her parrot greeted the couple - ladies to the left, and you ya bald headed chicken #ucker up here with me.

Ok...I seriously laughed out loud here at work. Had an idea where it was headed, but that was a new punch line for me! Thanks for the much needed laugh on a Monday.

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Appreciate it Jim. I've also heard many different versions of this joke. However this ending is the one I remembered and the one I like the best.

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Here's another one from my childhood. I copied and pasted this joke from reddit. It's not the exact way I remember it, but it's really close.

An Indian named Chief Bowels lived in a teepee on the reservation. One day he received a letter from the state division of highways that said that they were going to build a freeway and it would go right through where his teepee was located and he would have to move.
He was very upset about this because his ancestors had lived in that exact place for many generations.
He decided to go into town to talk to someone and get them to change the route of the freeway.
He arrived in town but didn't know where to go so he asked someone for directions to the local office of the highway department. He was told to go three blocks straight ahead then turn left for two blocks and it would be on the right.
He went three blocks straight ahead then turned right and went into the building on the left. It was a drugstore.
The druggist asked him if he could help him and the Indian replied. "Bowels no move!"
"Oh," said the druggist. That's no problem. Take this twice a day for a week." he said, as he gave the Indian a bottle of medicine.
The Indian left and one week later the he returned. "Hello," said the druggist. "Did that medicine work?"
"Bowels still no move!" said the Indian.
"Well, well," said the druggist. "It appears that we will have to use something a little stronger. Take this four times a day for a week."
The Indian left and one week later he returned. "Hello again," said the druggist. "How are you doing?"
"Bowels still no move!" said the Indian.
"Oh my goodness!" said the druggist. "This really calls for something drastic. This is the most powerful treatment in existance. Take it eight times a day for a week."
The Indian left and one week later he returned. When the druggist saw him he asked, "bowels move?"
"Fine fine you win, Bowels have to move" said the Indian. "Teepee full of shit!"
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