Ski Practice

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by nwdave, Jan 7, 2012.

  1. nwdave

    nwdave Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

     For those of our membership who don't know the joys of winter skiing [​IMG]

    Ski season is here! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you
    prepared:

    16. Visit your local butcher and pay $80 to sit in the walk- in freezer
    for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $100 dollar bills to warm up.

    15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.

    14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head
    before you go to bed each night.

    13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.

    12. Throw away five hundred dollar bills-now.

    11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your
    ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend
    you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.

    10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with
    crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.

    9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.

    8. Secure one of your ankles to a bedpost and ask a friend to run into
    you at high speed.

    7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $18.50 for a hamburger. Be sure
    you are in the longest line.

    6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
    fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.

    5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
    snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler.

    4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
    your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into
    your clothes.

    3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
    off because you have to go to the bathroom.

    2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.

    1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for
    the real thing!
     
  2. scarbelly

    scarbelly Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Dave you had me in tears. 

    I used to race for a local ski team and these are so true. 
     
  3. nwdave

    nwdave Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    Small world.  My daughter use to board competitively for Never Summer, a snowboard manufacturer in Colorado.  All the aerials you see them do, many, many hours with a gymnastics instructor.  As you know it's a young persons sport and she, like all the rest of us, got old.
     
  4. adiochiro3

    adiochiro3 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Dave, you had me cracking up as well!  Those tips and exercises are right on!  Unfortunately, we've got ZERO snow in NCal right now.  The lakes are frozen, but the passes are open & the ground is bare.
     

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