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An Irish War Story


Master of the Pit
SMF Premier Member
Joined Oct 17, 2014
Emmanuel Macron, the French President, is sitting in his office when
his telephone rings

"Hallo, Mr. Macron!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy
Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform
you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well, Paddy," Macron replied, "This is indeed important news! How big
is your army?"

"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is
meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire
darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Macron paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my
army waiting to move on my command."

"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring ya back.

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Macron, the war is
still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Macron asks.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Marphy's farm tractor."
Macron sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks
and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army
to 150,000 since we last spoke"

"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to ya."

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Macron, the war is
still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified
Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well."

Macron was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must
tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My
military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring ya back."

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr.
Macron! I am sorry to inform ya that we have had to call off the war."

"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Macron. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"

"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness
and finally decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 French


Master of the Pit
SMF Premier Member
Joined Oct 17, 2014
Here's a bonus joke!

A guy is late for an important meeting and will get fired if he misses it.
But he can't find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. "Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!" A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance.
"Never mind. Found one!"


Legendary Pitmaster
OTBS Member
★ Lifetime Premier ★
Joined Jun 20, 2013
Two good one there Ray. Still grinning.

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