You're on a real roll, Ray. Some very funny jokes in these posts.
Gary[/QUOTE]
Gary[/QUOTE]
A couple more. Keep your chins up folks!
- Thread starter Steve H
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That kind of camper setup is actually ideal for many open wilderness areas, keeps you away from critters and makes observation easier.
There are commercially made roof mounted or otherwise elevated tents/popups,
Love the nun joke Ray. Gonna forward it to my sister-in-law. She went to a Catholic school run by nuns, and can relate.
Gary
Gary
These are pretty bad, but I did like the last one.
Gary
WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP? A lexophile of course!
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
Gary
WHO ON EARTH DREAMS THESE UP? A lexophile of course!
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
that is no joke, i went to catholic school in grade school and some of those nuns loved to whack us across the knuckles with those and their pointers when we acted up, or if it was really bad they would take ya in the closet and put ya across their knee. they would probably be in jail today, i think some of them were some angry people.
It wasn't just nuns. I got my hide tanned by CA and TN public school teachers more times than I can remember. Thick half-meter sticks were their weapons of choice, though homemade paddles and leather straps were used, too. One teacher whacked me over the head with a dictionary. First time I actually saw swirling stars. I thought it was fascinating.
Trust me, I deserved most of it for being disruptive. I was so friggin' bored. Can't happen today, but it was normal for me growing up in the 60's and early 70's.
Trust me, I deserved most of it for being disruptive. I was so friggin' bored. Can't happen today, but it was normal for me growing up in the 60's and early 70's.
guess maybe it made us better people or maybe just a little tougher,
I went to a Christian Brothers boarding school for grade 7-8-9. Believe me, those guys hit a LOT harder than a old woman. RAY
LOL.. Another parochial school kid here, kindergarten through fourth grade, besides a general education we were taught all the Roman Catholic doctrine, did our first communion and everything.
We were taught by Nuns and ruthlessly disciplined by them too, no old women there, they were young to middle aged and strong.
St. Columba Catholic School in Serra Mesa, San Diego, CA, had a convent and church on the grounds
It really was a first class education compared to California public schools.
I'll say this though... Thank God I never became an Altar Boy.
We were taught by Nuns and ruthlessly disciplined by them too, no old women there, they were young to middle aged and strong.
St. Columba Catholic School in Serra Mesa, San Diego, CA, had a convent and church on the grounds
It really was a first class education compared to California public schools.
I'll say this though... Thank God I never became an Altar Boy.
Last edited:
Irish Joke.
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly .... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'
Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'
'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly .... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
Doctors at the World Health Organization have determined that dogs cannot contract the Coronavirus, and have ordered that all dogs previously held in quarantine be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
The Judge read the charges then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor sir", replied Bob, "I got a lawyer to do the defendin', I'm the guy who done it."
A warship at sea spots a light dead ahead in it's path, so they radio to the unidentified vessel, "Divert your course .5 degrees to the South to avoid collision." Came the response, "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision." The warship in anger replies, "I say again, divert your course .5 degrees to the South to avoid collision, we are an aircraft carrier and a 365,000 metric ton warship, DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!" Reply, "This is a lighthouse, your call."
There was an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through vet school by working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation he decided that he could combine his two vocations to better serve the community while doubling his practice, and therefore his income. He opened his own office with a sign installed that read, Dr Jones Veterinary Medicine & Taxidermy, either way you get your dog back.
An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
Hawging it, those are perfect examples of "Better living through our friends at DuPont Chemicals"
Gary
Gary
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