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Worst cooking experience ever

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by jcglenn1009, Dec 21, 2010.

  1. jcglenn1009

    jcglenn1009 Fire Starter

    We all love to cook on here, but it doesn't always go our way.  Wanted to hear some others worst cooking experience.  Mine was the first Christmas with my inlaws.  My Father in law isn't a slouch in the kitchen, but I am confident in my abilities since my background was in the kitchen and he always found a way to dry out the turkey.  I told my Father in law I would do the turkey since the meal was going to be at our house and he agreed.  I had found a Emril inject recipe online about a month before Xmas that I thought would be really good.  The recipe called for one teaspoon of crab boil, but I thought I would kick it up a natch and double it to 2 teaspoons.  As Xmas got close I pulled out my recipe and went to put together my inject and saw that the recipe called for 2 teaspoons, but I thought I would kick it up a natch and doubled it to 4.  Save to say I had forgot I had already kicked it up a natch a month earlier.  The day before Xmas I found out that my Father in law was going to bring his own turkey because he can be hard headed alot of the time.  I was super pissed that he was stepping on my toes, but I took great joy knowing my turkey would run laps around his fried dried up bird.  When I cut into my bird it was a dark brown and completely unedible.  Everyone else ate the fried turkey while I ate my crab boil turkey. To this day whenever I make anything he reminds me about my turkey.  
  2. tom37

    tom37 Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    OMG !!!!

    Thats such a sad story, I hope the pain isn't to terrible.
  3. circuit theory

    circuit theory Fire Starter

    Thanks for sharing that disaster [​IMG]

    Fortunately for me your disaster turkey "runs laps around" mine hehehe.

    I went back to California this summer and decided to pick up a large egg shaped smoker from Home Depot to leave at my parents house for smoking when ever I am back in California.  I did not want to invest much in a smoker that I or anyone would only be using a couple times a year so I swapped out the original thermometer for a cheap one from H.D. and also picked up a cheapo digital thermo.  Short story shorter, I bought about $30 of pork butts and a large variety of spices etc.  I pulled the meat when it was done and let it sit/air for a bit.  I started pulling it and it looked pretty good until I got to the raw center.   I dont have an oven in Japan so the idea of throwing it in the oven to finish it off did not hit me until I had already chucked all the meat into the trash.

    Lesson learned and now I am waiting for my next trip to Cali so I can get my revenge!
  4. bamaboy

    bamaboy Meat Mopper SMF Premier Member

    dude that just sucks[​IMG]
  5. thebarbequeen

    thebarbequeen Smoking Fanatic

    I don't know if this qualifies, but it still digs at me!  Years ago, living in So Cal as a young couple, the In-Laws came down special to be with us at Christmas.  I bought a BEAUTIFUL rib roast on my bank teller budget, and a bottle of Stag's Leap Cabernet that would be worth a couple hundred by now if we hadn't drunk it (!).  . My mother in law had never served me a piece of meat that wasn't well done. (her "turkey jerky" for thanksgiving is another  story). I like my good beef bleeding on the plate, by the way.  I really wanted a nice roast, so I thought "I know this is a burnt offering to me, but I'm cooking it JUST to medium.  I can't go more on this good meat!" So, it came out PERFECTLY medium, and I apologized to her that I know she usually has her meat more cooked.... She says "Oh, I love medium rare meat. I just don't trust meat thermometers."     WHAT???????? 

    She was for the most part a very competent and enthusiastic cook, but I still feel cheated. Coulda had a nice red roast!!!!
  6. iso

    iso Smoke Blower

    Thankgiving 1993 we were living in Pearl City Hawaii when I stationed on a ship out of Pearl Harbor. We didn't have a car so I used a bicycle to get around. My beloved is the traditionalist but relented to us having a ham for Thanksgiving. She was fine with the ham right up until supper time. She became so hysterical and totally freaked about not having a turkey that I ended up riding out that evening to find a turkey. We ended up having supper with a turkey at midnight that night.

    I can cook anything I want for Thanksgiving. I can even cook a turkey anyway I want as long as she has a roasted turkey for supper.
  7. BAMMMM! Kick it up a notch! Sorry, I couldn't resist.
  8. Three things come to mind.

    One time I put popcorn in the microwave, set it to "pop" and went out to change the water in the garden. I got distracted doing something a little extra ending up taking a bit longer. When I got back into the house, the microwave had quit running alright but....most of the house was full of smoke. To this day I'm not sure if I got an extra zero punched in there or what. The bag of popcorn was entirely scorched to the point where I wondered how it didn't catch afire. The microwave had an incredibly stingy film in it that too a GREAT deal of effort to remove...talk about creosote build up! And, the smell of that burned popcorn remained in the house for at least a week.

    On another occasion....I was making some chili and after learning about this really interesting pepper, put two rather big habanero into my pot of chili that was for my ex-wife and I that was to be our super. She had maybe a tablespoon and I of coarse inherited plenty of left-over's. Whoever said ignorance is bliss is a liar! My mouth was NOT the only thing on fire.

    And lastly...when I was growing up I got the wild idea to make mashed rutabaga's with gravy. Well, they did sort of look like taters...my mother came home and said good God Mark WHAT are you cooking it smells like baby diapers in here! This was only two or three years after I started a fire in the sink with toilet paper in a "controlled environment". I didn't share this one with my parents several years later following the "event". 

    Oh, and then there was the time when I was using a baster to baste a turkey or a chicken I don't remember which. With it over half full of  liquid, I pulled it out and fumbling with it lost control the juices going all over my arm and part of my torso. That was a nasty burn that took weeks to heal that I shall NEVER forget.

    Sorry to hear about your bird!  [​IMG]
  9. mr mac

    mr mac Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    It was 1978 and I was on the Pacific island of Okinawa.  The local government had decided that driving cars on the right side of the road was wrong and that driving on the left side was right, uh, better...whatever.  At any rate, my roomy (“Pete” Peterson) and I decided it would be a good reason to celebrate with some Ronrico 151 (that would be about 75% alcohol by content) and a pizza.  Okay, a frozen pizza! 

    Looking at the recipe we were supposed to turn on the oven and allow it to pre-heat to, I don't know, maybe 350° or something like that…it was 32 years ago and we had already been in to the bottle of rum!  So, following the instructions (I was less drunk than Pete) I turned on the oven and removed the pie from its containment system and we waited.  We waited by downing a couple more shots of rum chased by beer.

    Allow me to offer just a few words to describe my state of being at this particular time. 

    At some point (had been drinking, remember?) during the pre-heat portion of the cooking process we decided it would be a good idea to go up on the roof and have a roman candle war.  I lit mine and looked for Pete who was no-where to be found.  I got hit!  Again, I’m hit and right in the chest!  I scream for Pete, “Where are you, you rotten…”  “Stop shooting me with that *&#% thing, it hurts!”  Turns out I was holding it backwards.

    A few moments later I realize it was time to put the pizza in the oven!  We head down the stairs only to find a cold oven!  “What’s wrong with your *&#% oven, Pete?!?” 

    “Did you light the pilot light,” he asked.  Duh…

    Let’s see, how do you make that sound of exploding natural gas when a drunken idiot holds a lit match in a gas filled oven?  FWOOOSH!!!

    Three weeks it took before my arm hairs and eyebrows grew back! 
  10. nwdave

    nwdave Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    Ah, the good ol' days of RonRico 151, straight, of course.  Then there was the period of MadDog 20-20.  I'm truly surprised I survived my 20's.  Oh, and I almost forgot,  Red Mountain King Kong Wine, pressed just a week ago at 69 cents a half gallon.  Hey, when you're a lowly E-2 or E-3 service member, you can't afford much more.

    Oh, the subject is worst cooking experience.  Well kinda sorta, not mine but SWMBO's.  We were young newlyweds living in San Diego, where my ship (USS Morton, DD 948, the saltiest ship in the fleet)  was homeported.  I was bringing shipmates home to "get away" from the ship/barracks life for a bit and one weekend I invited a couple of guys over who just happened to be from the same home area as my wife, the San Francisco area.  Well, she struggled to whip up a great meal and everything was going along just fine until she asked what these guys did aboard ship.  They told her that one was a Lead Cook and the other was the Lead Baker.  I honestly still don't understand why she got upset about that........  Her cooking skills were just above "well, it didn't get burned, did it?"   Geeze, women can be so sensitive.  Hey, it was the early 60's, what did we know?  We survived that as well as many other trials and tribulations.  Will be 45 years married, later this month.
  11. biteme7951

    biteme7951 Smoking Fanatic

    I had never smoked cheese before and wanted to give it a try. My instructions for my Bradley said I could do it by unplugging the heat element and just use the puck burner. So I went to Sam's Club and bought 10 lbs of various cheeses and loaded that mother up. figured I would keep an eye on it while I cut the grass.............well.......after mowing about 2 acres in the back yard I went to do the front yard and caught a whiff of the smoker.....OH CRAP I never checked on it at all and when i looked at the temp it was around 110 degrees...maybe I got here just in time........NOPE!!!! when I opened the door all I saw were chedder and mozzerella stalactites hanging from the racks and a big puddle of goo on the drip tray and in the bottom of the smoker.....UUUUUGGGGHHHH.  I salvaged a few of the stalactites which weren't to bad but the rest went into dog treats which they were very pleased about.
  12. I didn't do it, but this is a classic told to me by a friend who used to belong to a hunting club here in Louisiana.  It was the Holidays, so they had all been at the camp for quite a few days.  After having venison for about 15 meals in a row, everybody was ready for a change.  They took up a collection and went out and bought 200 bucks worth of shrimp, crabs and oysters and started making a huge pot of gumbo.  The smell of roux filled the air as everybody patiently waited on suppertime.  Right at the end, the cook (who was about 23 beers deep at the time) decided it needed one last touch of seasoning. He reached for the can of Tony Chachere's (green can, red trim) and gave it a good shake into the pot before he realized that it was Comet (green can, red trim). Needless to say, there were a bunch of happy campers as they all ate their vienna sausages and potted meat and crackers for supper. 
  13. jirodriguez

    jirodriguez Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    OMG! That is funny..... glad he realized the mistake before he served it! LOL
  14. BandCollector

    BandCollector Master of the Pit OTBS Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    Last year for Christmas dinner I smoked a turkey.  When it was time to remove it from my UDS the grate tipped and the bird fell directly into the coals. 

    You should have seen me...cursing, sputtering, scrambling, and mostly cursing trying to rescue it.  

    I named it the "Firewalker".  Tasted great though and no one was the wiser.

    Merry Christmas Everyone,  John
  15. BandCollector

    BandCollector Master of the Pit OTBS Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    Here is a picture of the poor thing!

    To all those who responded with best wishes after I dropped my turkey into the charcoal basket of my UDS, I would like to thank you all.

    The good news is that the Firewalker was a success!

    One last look at a turkey that didn't look so good..........but tasted great!

  16. eman

    eman Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator OTBS Member

    Don't mess around w/ crab boil the stuff is potent LOL and merry Christmas all

  17. shhaker

    shhaker Meat Mopper

    when i was in the air force i was a trainer in load barn. i threw in a hot pocket in a old style microwave, the one with a dial. i set it to 1 min 30 seconds and went out to the hanger to set up for the crew coming in. well it took a little longer than i thought it would. bout a half hour, when i came back into the office area the entire place was filled with smoke. i was amazed the fire department didnt show up. the timer had gotten stuck right before going off and continued to cook the hot pocket. the whole place stunk for at least two weeks and i got razzed about it the entire time. ohh well.
  18. One that comes to mind was Thanksgiving several years ago when my Old man was still with us (RIP)... Well the food itself came out great but we had a bit of a mishap moving the turkey from the pan to the serving plate... 1 thing to keep in mind we were both half in the bag and we liked to be relaxed in the kitchen... sweats, t-shirts, barefeet... well we both went to lift thing (it was a big bird & it was stuffed) and in the short, 1/2 foot, journey the the bottom of the bird gave out and scalding HOT stuffing landed right on my dads barefoot... he played it off as though nothing was wrong (he was 1 tough SOB) and about 40 min later i noticed he had a blister the circumference of a base ball and another about the size of a golf ball right on top of his foot... needless to say he didn't really "feel it" till the next day LOL... Didn't let it slow him down though...
  19. papagreer

    papagreer Meat Mopper

    I've did that on my dads propane grill when I was a kid. My dad said I could light it and being a youngern, I was pretty excited. Well needless to say, I couldnt get the lighter to get a flame and when I finally did, FWOOSH, bye bye arm hair.....surprisingly not ALL my hair! HAHA
  20. BandCollector

    BandCollector Master of the Pit OTBS Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★