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sawhorseray

Legendary Pitmaster
Original poster
OTBS Member
★ Lifetime Premier ★
Oct 17, 2014
7,974
12,912
Gilbert, AZ
Heed this warning and pass it along.

NORTHERN ARIZONA CAUTION: In regard to all the people thinking of moving here from New York and California as well as many other heavily populated cities across the country, as well as those wanting to visit...

Before you come to Northern Arizona to visit you must be aware of what is happening here, especially, around the lakes, rivers & rural Arizona!

There's a housing shortage, rent has tripled, and folks are vacationing here in record numbers...

So, if you plan on moving here, or just plan on vacationing on our beaches, river bottoms, hill country or lakes this summer, be aware that camel spiders, fire ants and bedbugs have infested hotels and motels across the area due to drier than usual weather.

Our lakes are full of mountain crocs, fresh-water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos. Our rivers are full of drunks in tubes peeing themselves, while the banjo players lay waiting in the bushes.

Arizona bobcats have eaten many domesticated animals and possibly some small children. The local bear, javelina, and coyote population are all 'in heat' and think your wife/girlfriend is hot.

Snakes... don’t even get me started on the water headed copper moccasins here, and the Diamond Back Rattler Cobras.

The poison ivy has overtaken all other vegetation. We have had bear sightings at every park and town they are after your picnic baskets…. And some cougars have been spotted in motel rooms and bars.

Watch out for the jackalopes - they have been extremely aggressive this season. We have the Skunk Ape invading our parks and it’s their mating season. Porcupines are "stabbing" small children should they dare to utilize the local playground equipment.

Skunks are very active and have multiplied at unprecedented rates and wander the local campgrounds in packs looking for beer.

And the murder hornets!?! We’ve got great black clouds of murder hornets, and swarms of giant crickets and even some Oklahoma grasshoppers.

Scorpions have been congregating in massive quantities under rocks, logs, wooden steps, automobiles, and tarantulas are now stealing people’s food and biting like crazy.

Head lice now fly, and we have vampire bats cruising the night skies.

Oh, and no one is vaccinated.

I hear Tucson, Phoenix, Yuma, Idaho, and Louisiana are really nice, though.”

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"Our lakes are full of mountain crocs, fresh-water sharks, and creepy old guys wearing speedos."

We don't have any mountain crocs, or fresh-water sharks but we have plenty of those creepy old guys wearing speedos coming down from Montreal at our beaches.

Chris
 
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