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The Prince - Dad Joke #4826
- Thread starter sawhorseray
- Start date
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Lol
Humo18
Meat Mopper
He's got another 9 years to re consider .
Hell Rich, by that time she'll be needing a hearing aid! Pretty slow morning on the forum when a old dad joke like this gets so many replies. RAY
Already 90 here . Can't go outside. So threw a flank steak in the sv . Gonna wait for the race , and another joke .
96º here just before 9am, forecast high of 112º today. Leftover micro pork ribs on the menu Rich, might fire up the flat top tomorrow for cheesesteaks. The pool and TV is about it, way to hot for anything else. RAY
Never fails.
Gary
Gary
But wait, there's more! I'm not going to start a whole new thread that might hinder some of the cook threads on the board, I'll just add some new clean nauseating humor to this one. That way only the true followers will have the benefits of all this gut-busting laughter. RAY
It's good to get a health warning that is useful. It involves the shampoo when it runs down your body when you shower with it. SHAMPOO WARNING! I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the label is this claim, "For Extra Body & Volume". No wonder I've been gaining weight! Well I've gotten rid of that shampoo and have started using Dawn Dish Soap instead. It's label reads, "Dissolves Fat That Is Otherwise Difficult To Remove". Problem solved
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great. I'm making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can't think of anything that I need $o ju$t $end a card a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep an hoNOr student busy. Do Not forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
Heading down the tarmac, a jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around, and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, a concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained, "it took us a while to find a new pilot."
It's good to get a health warning that is useful. It involves the shampoo when it runs down your body when you shower with it. SHAMPOO WARNING! I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the label is this claim, "For Extra Body & Volume". No wonder I've been gaining weight! Well I've gotten rid of that shampoo and have started using Dawn Dish Soap instead. It's label reads, "Dissolves Fat That Is Otherwise Difficult To Remove". Problem solved
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ great. I'm making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying hard. I $imply can't think of anything that I need $o ju$t $end a card a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, your $on
Dear Son,
I kNOw astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep an hoNOr student busy. Do Not forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
Heading down the tarmac, a jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around, and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, a concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained, "it took us a while to find a new pilot."
Humo18
Meat Mopper
Question: Why did God make lawyers?
Answer: To make used car salesmen look good.
Answer: To make used car salesmen look good.
Oh, lawyer jokes? Got 'em! RAY
"An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him. The Devil made him an offer. “I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife’s soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends.” The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, “But what’s the catch?”
We used to just turn up the radio .
That's what I tell Jan to do when she says the car's making a funny noise. RAY
Yeah , mine used to say ( as I got home from work , before I set my lunch box down ) Something wrong with my car .
I'd tell her probably a loose nut behind the wheel .
I'd tell her probably a loose nut behind the wheel .
Humo18
Meat Mopper
Question: How many Lawyer Jokes are there?
Answer: Only 2, the rest are true.
Answer: Only 2, the rest are true.
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
OK, I hope this is not too dark.
A couple married 72 years goes to court to get a divorce. They go in front of the judge. He asks them:
"You're both 96 + 94 years old, been married 72 years. Why, now, after all these years do you want a divorce?" Their response: "Well your honor, we wanted to wait until the children had died."
G'nite everybody!
A couple married 72 years goes to court to get a divorce. They go in front of the judge. He asks them:
"You're both 96 + 94 years old, been married 72 years. Why, now, after all these years do you want a divorce?" Their response: "Well your honor, we wanted to wait until the children had died."
G'nite everybody!
Wife takes her husband of many years to the Doctor for a check up . After several test the Doc says almost done , but for the last test I need a urine sample , and a stool sample .
Old fella being into his 90's and hard of hearing asks the Doc to speak up .
Doctor repeats himself .
Old boy says sorry Doc I can't hear you , speak louder please .
Doctor says again , in a loud voice . Last test . I'm going to need a urine sample and a stool sample .
Old fella turns to his wife and says , I can't hear him , what did he say ?
Wife replies , never mind . Just give him your under wear .
Old fella being into his 90's and hard of hearing asks the Doc to speak up .
Doctor repeats himself .
Old boy says sorry Doc I can't hear you , speak louder please .
Doctor says again , in a loud voice . Last test . I'm going to need a urine sample and a stool sample .
Old fella turns to his wife and says , I can't hear him , what did he say ?
Wife replies , never mind . Just give him your under wear .
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog.
They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and Complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.
The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!
Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.
Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it, and why?
A: Giraffe. He's stuck in a fridge.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There's no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
A: The alligators are all at a birthday party.
Q: Sally dies anyways. Why?
A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each.
Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish.
Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and Complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world.
The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could!
Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.
Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it, and why?
A: Giraffe. He's stuck in a fridge.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There's no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
A: The alligators are all at a birthday party.
Q: Sally dies anyways. Why?
A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
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