I think it all boils down to 3 issues with people today:
1. Lack of basic manners...no thank you's, no smiles or handshakes, nothing.
2. People have a weird sense of entitlement, like everyone else's purpose in life is to serve them, whether they're paying handsomely or getting a freebie.
3. Lack of humility...everyone thinks they know everything, and the corollary to this: people are slow to recognize expertise, or to realize there are fields of endeavor they don't even know exist.
I hope I don't sound callous. That's not my intent and it's obvious that this was painful to you, even days later. But face it, this is not your livelihood. You have another way to support your family than by BBQ. You can get over this.
You almost certainly have considerable latent culinary talent, on top of which you've invested money in your rig and tools, and put countless hours into the hard work of turning good into great. Same with a lot of musicians. They may be incredibly talented, but they quickly size up their audience and bring themselves down to their level, with the hope that with time, maybe they can raise the overall average. The problem with suggesting you serve raw hotdogs and stale beer the next time is that's just revenge. That doesn't help you, nor them, and it doesn't help advance the art (or craft or hobby) that we all share on this blog.
Friends exist on many levels. With time, hopefully you'll find a group of kindred spirits both you and your wife enjoy that truly share your love and appreciation of good food. They won't need to say thank you...you'll see it in their faces. They get it. I call these my hobby friends. I also have work friends. We may totally differ on hobbies, politics, religion, etc but we all share the goals of our organization or firm...we are colleagues. (It's rare when a spouse likes these friends.) Lastly there are family friends. These are your relatives, or in-laws, or the friends of your wife. They have a place at your table JUST because of their relational status. Don't expect them to be what they're not.
Christ said don't cast your pearls before swine. Save the pearls of your considerable talents for your hobby friends.