Start April With a Fresh New Face

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by bluewhisper, Apr 1, 2015.

  1. bluewhisper

    bluewhisper Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Popular botox facial treatments help to remove worry lines and relax facial muscles, giving a fresh, happy and revitalized look. But traditional botox treatments are expensive because they require licensed technicians, and they involve uncomfortable and risky injection procedures. Now there’s a new approach to botox treatments easily performed in an informal setting, using affordable materials and methods.

    Everyone knows that improper food storage raises the risk of botulism poisoning. But why not take advantage of the amazing benefits of the lively natural organism named Clostridium botulinum?

    All you need is some boneless skinless chicken breasts, and some gluten-free vegetable oil. Put the chicken in a large glass jar, and cover with oil – this is important because C. botulinium can’t survive exposure to dangerous free-radical oxygen. Place the jar on a sunny windowsill to harvest renewable solar energy and warm our microscopic helpers and speed them on their way! Allow at least a week for this loving incubation.

    Then you’re ready to administer therapy. Have the patient lie comfortably on a table, face up. Carefully place one piece of chicken over each eye, being sure to cover the forehead, eyelids, crow’s feet and cheeks. Carefully massage the meat into the skin, then allow an hour for the treatment to work.

    There’s a way to enhance the benefits with a quicker method. After placing the chicken on the face, apply a warmed massage stone to the tongue, then secure the jaw closed with an organic banana leaf, to reduce any oromandibular hyperactivity. Then use a meat tenderizing hammer to pound the beneficial compounds deeply into the skin. Try to avoid the nose. This version of the treatment is usually finished much faster than the slow method. If the patient experiences discomfort, massage more vigorously with the hammer until relaxation is achieved.

    And there you have it! The benefits of botox without the hassle and expense of injection therapy.
  2. GaryHibbert

    GaryHibbert Smoking Guru OTBS Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    Love it!!  And so environmentally friendly.

  3. bluewhisper

    bluewhisper Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    As it happens, I joined the board on April 1, 2014.

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