Life Gets in the Way, Times Whatever

[mneeley490]

Well brothers & sisters, you probably haven't noticed, but I haven't been posting any cooks for the past few months. I'm still salivating over your posts, though.

The wife decided to end a 45 year marriage a short while back, and split the assets. Like Jimmy Buffet said, hell, it's probably my fault.
So the upshot is I had to sell 4 of my 5 smokers, as I couldn't take them with me, and most of my bbq gadgets. I managed to keep the small Smokin' It Model 1, a grinder, and my slicer.
Half the value of our house isn't going to buy another one in the greater Seattle area, no matter how small. So I'm currently looking for a decent condo that has a deck or balcony where I can still make something, but those are pretty scarce as well. For now, I've signed a 12-month lease for an apartment that does not have any capability for smoking, so my Smokin' It will be idle for a while.
I've still got my jerky racks and spices; I figure I can probably add some liquid smoke to my marinade and try making jerky in the oven. Same for pork butts. I guess I'll have time to make more bread, too. Hopefully that'll tide me over until my situation improves. And if I start getting the shakes really bad, I can always go visit our friend Jeff's (YNot2k) restaurant up in Marysville and get some excellent BBQ there.

Anyway, hang in there everyone! I'll be posting smokes again eventually.

 

[jcam222]

Been there done that, it sucks for sure. Keep you chin up

 

[BigW.]

It happens to the best of us. Glad you're still here. There will be a new opportunity at some point because of this.

 

[SmokingUPnorth]

Keep your head up. I’m kinda in the same boat as you as far as not being able to smoke/grill. Deployed and have an extremely small “kitchen” I’ve just been using a stove top, and my Smokey joe when I can. It’s honestly a pain to cook for one but like you said about bread I’ve been reading and goi by to give bread making a shot just to hold me over. That and using the oven again to make stuff like ribs and pork shoulder in the oven I’m looking forward to messing around with. Good luck and it may sound cliche but everything does happen for a reason!

 

[Brokenhandle]

Hang in there, things will get better... been there done that before also. Wish you the best of luck!

Ryan

 

[mr_whipple]

Bummer. I got mine out of the way 24 years ago. It will get better.

 

[Gonna Smoke]

I hate to hear that Mike. 45 years is a long time together and after that period of time, I'd think you 2 had it all figured out. I can only imagine what you're feeling, but keep looking and moving forward no matter how hard the steps are to take and we're here for you if you need us.

Half the value of our house isn't going to buy another one in the greater Seattle area

Is moving not an option?

 

[mneeley490]

No, our daughter and her family are still here, along with all my friends. Also, I'd like to finish out my career at the same place.

Thanks for the sentiments and encouragement, folks.

 

[JLinza]

Dang, sorry to hear that man. I hope things start lookin up for you soon.

 

[gmc2003]

Can't say I know how you feel. I've got 39 years invested and still going strong. Like others have said keep your chin up. My mom and dad always told me things happen for a reason.

Chris

 

[Fueling Around]

Well that sucks Mike.
How many years to finish out your career to get a decent retirement? If I recall correctly you are in the court/ legal system?

Here is the hard one. Get some counseling or group therapy. My former boss went through an unexpected divorce and he was a basket case for a long time. Social media messaging also poured salt in the wound.
Start a new chapter in your life story and try to look forward.

 

[Buckeyedude]

Thant sucks buddy! I made a decision about half a decade ago or so to ride out my marriage after finding out some some stuff just so the boys wouldnt have to go through a divorce/separated family while still growing up. Does it suck for me, yes, but I would do anything for my kids happiness( they dont know anything). Life is awesome and can suck at the same time. Hope you do well in your transition! We might not be the greatest therapist here, but we all have your back and are here to support you!

 

[MJB05615]

So sorry to hear this Mike. Like said above, stay as positive as you can, try not to dwell on too many negatives.

 

[chef k-dude]

Very sorry to read this. Had this happen to me almost 30 years ago. I would not assume its all your fault. Sometimes women lose their minds and forget their vows. Unless there is some kind of meanness from the husband, there is zero excuse other than selfishness. We have been living with disposable marriages for decades now.

My second wife and I have now been together 27 years. My first marriage and the relationship leading to that marriage lasted 14 years. You never know what can happen. I know one thing, if something happens to my current wife, that's it. I am NOT going down that road again.

Try to play through the pain. I was a total basket case in my separation, nearly ended it all and I will forever have "mental scar tissue" from it. It's hard starting back out financially, but down the road (unless the economy completely crashes) the pain eases, other things will occupy you and you can accumulate some wealth and try to get back in to some digs where you can outdoor cook again.

Fate may even cross you with a new woman who appreciates you and you can decide if you want to cohabitate, and if she has an income, you might be back in a single family home again! Careful though, most of the ones you can really trust are still married. I had come to this conclusion after trying the dating thing again, the good ones are still with their husbands. Then fate crossed my wife with me. She divorced her husband due to unspecified abuse of their daughter. She had a valid reason to get him out of the house. She wasn't just "unhappy". She WAS very unhappy in the marriage, the guy is an ass but she never thought to divorce him until she found out what he had been doing with the kids, especially the daughter.

 

[seenred]

Sorry to hear this Mike! As others have said, many of us have gone through this...it's not easy - especially for people who were married as long as you were. I hope you have many friends and family members to lean on for support. And I hope the next chapter in your life is amazing!

Red

 

[driedstick]

Well dang it man,,, Keep on,, keeping on,,,, hope to see your smokes again soon.

 

[mneeley490]

Well that sucks Mike.
How many years to finish out your career to get a decent retirement? If I recall correctly you are in the court/ legal system?

Here is the hard one. Get some counseling or group therapy. My former boss went through an unexpected divorce and he was a basket case for a long time. Social media messaging also poured salt in the wound.
Start a new chapter in your life story and try to look forward.

Correct, I work in the legal system. Criminal, so no experience with civil matters like this. I have 6-1/2 years to go until I'm 70, and can retire with full SSI benefits. That is a must now, as she is "entitled" to half my pension. After she gave me the news, I saw a counselor, but her best advise was "meditation". That didn't seem very helpful. I tried finding a non-religious men's group nearby for support, but Craigslist just kept removing my posts. I guess they assumed I was looking for something else.
Wished I could have bounced this off my best friend, but he was in late-stage Parkinson's at the time, and I didn't want to add to his troubles. He passed away last April.
Don't mean to be a gloomy-Gus; I know there are lots of people out there who have it worse than me. I know I will be doing better once I can get that smoke rolling again.

 

[sandyut]

Sorry to hear, hopefully in the end you will be better off. couple good friends have divorced, but we all hated their wives so it was better. Im in 20 years so far, luckily. Im sure she had thought about killing me a few times...glad she hasnt yet.

it will get better. it takes time.

 

[chef k-dude]

Correct, I work in the legal system. Criminal, so no experience with civil matters like this. I have 6-1/2 years to go until I'm 70, and can retire with full SSI benefits. That is a must now, as she is "entitled" to half my pension. After she gave me the news, I saw a counselor, but her best advise was "meditation". That didn't seem very helpful. I tried finding a non-religious men's group nearby for support, but Craigslist just kept removing my posts. I guess they assumed I was looking for something else.
Wished I could have bounced this off my best friend, but he was in late-stage Parkinson's at the time, and I didn't want to add to his troubles. He passed away last April.
Don't mean to be a gloomy-Gus; I know there are lots of people out there who have it worse than me. I know I will be doing better once I can get that smoke rolling again.

This is your time to be a gloomy Gus. I'm a gloomy Gus right now just with the worry of the nation's direction. An unwanted divorce is right up there with the major stressors in life, like death of someone close. It's one of the most stressful and depressing things a person can suffer.

I cant do therapy or counseling. I can literally hear their textbooks coming out of their mouth and its just plain corny. I'm am on an intellectual plane above most of them.

I did "Parents Without Partners" naively thinking I could gel with people in my situation. Again, my intellectual level sees through a lot of BS and PWP was a meat market. In the case of the chapter I went to, it was a cabal of women who decided among themselves who would get which man. As a man, you didn't have much say if you wanted to get closer to one of the women. You could try all you wanted but you would only succeed if you liked the one you were assigned to. I could feel there was just something wrong and a creepiness about the group...almost like I was hanging with a group of swingers. That's not me.

That cabal was confirmed to me when I met my now wife. I had long ditched PWP and had resolved to just be wide open, date anyone that came along I could stand and otherwise enjoy my new freedom (I was 30, but this can still apply to seasoned citizens like you and I are now).

Walking in the door from a road trip, my phone rang (land lines in the 90's). It was the woman who would eventually be my wife. She was in PWP, the same chapter I walked away from. She had been assigned by the cabal to call members that hadn't attended in a while and try to get more "meat" back to the market (they were having some event). We talked for 2 1/2 hours. Met for dinner and she had to decide what she wanted...she was dating one of the PWP guys. One day, cant remember how long after exactly, she called me and said she had broken it off with the other guy and wanted to pursue a relationship with me. After we were "exclusive" she told me all about the cabal and how she was not a prime member but was present at some of the conversations plotting about the men of the group.

My story goes to show you never really know where "she" might come from, but its not likely where you expect. My wife and I connected through PWP yet never attended a meeting or event at the same time! Fate is there, but you can change the timelines of it just by stepping right or left, making decisions you have no idea what they bring even years down the road.

Best of fortunes to you brother.

 

[mneeley490]

Thanks, Ken.
I think it'll be a while before I start looking again, if ever.
There was one woman who seemed very interested in me and my situation. But I found out later that she was being evicted from her apartment, and was looking for a soft landing. Now that she's found another one, she's cooled toward me considerably.