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I Know You Were Waiting

sawhorseray

Master of the Pit
SMF Premier Member
3,862
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Joined Oct 17, 2014
I wasn't about to post any jokes today with so many great cooks on the main board, cooks are more important than jokes and they should stay up for as long as possible. Seems things are a bit more quiet now, so here's a few for the offing.


Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents"
They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.
In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
“I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same.”
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's deal with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

I'll bet you didn't see that one coming! We continue.

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And my favorite for the day!

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I know, I'll try to do better next time. RAY
 

robrpb

Meat Mopper
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Joined Jul 15, 2020
I'm glad you posted. After all, "laughter is good medicine." And a happy cook is a better cook. Okay maybe sometimes.
 

sawhorseray

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Joined Oct 17, 2014
Good ones John! I was going to dump a few more on here, now I'll wait till later. RAY
 

chef jimmyj

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Good ones. LMAO at the Battery one. My Daughters are all Millennials.

There was a Bar in town similar to above. Wealthy retired owner, only opened when he Felt like it. Maybe a Wednesday afternoon or Fri and Sat night, then closed for a couple weeks. This was before Smart Phones but the word got out and the place would fill up pretty fast. He served $1 Pitchers and Basic Mixed Drinks or Shots. You could get pretty Tuned Up for a Ten Spot...JJ
 

Winterrider

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Have you ever wondered about the origin of the the phrase
"You Gotta Be Shittin' Me?"
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) andstationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered himto keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and hislantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of themfelt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.
What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden inthe forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.

The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman..

A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, anddesperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broadsmile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters .'

And the Madam said, "You gotta be shittin' me."
 

GaryHibbert

Legendary Pitmaster
OTBS Member
★ Lifetime Premier ★
8,482
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Joined Jun 20, 2013
I wasn't about to post any jokes today with so many great cooks on the main board, cooks are more important than jokes and they should stay up for as long as possible. Seems things are a bit more quiet now, so here's a few for the offing.


Four old retired men are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents"
They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini.
In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis shaken, not stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please."
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
“I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer it's all the same.”
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the Bartender, "What's deal with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

I'll bet you didn't see that one coming! We continue.

View attachment 468646

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View attachment 468651

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And my favorite for the day!

View attachment 468655

I know, I'll try to do better next time. RAY
Love the rabbit one, Ray.
Gary
 

GaryHibbert

Legendary Pitmaster
OTBS Member
★ Lifetime Premier ★
8,482
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Joined Jun 20, 2013
View attachment 468727 View attachment 468728 View attachment 468729 View attachment 468730 View attachment 468731



Have you ever wondered about the origin of the the phrase
"You Gotta Be Shittin' Me?"
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of Our country, way back when George Washington was crossing the Delaware river with his troops.

There were 33 (remember this number) in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about.

Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters (remember this name) andstationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered himto keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.

Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth.

Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and hislantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of themfelt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.

Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on.

Another hour later, one of his men said, 'General, I see lights ahead.' They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house.
What they didn't know was that this was a house of ill repute, hidden inthe forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him.

The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman..

A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.

Washington was the first to speak, 'Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, anddesperately need warmth and comfort.'

Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broadsmile on her face, said, 'Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?'

Washington replied, 'Well, Madam, there are 32 of us without Peters .'

And the Madam said, "You gotta be shittin' me."
That is FUNNY!!!
Gary
 

sawhorseray

Master of the Pit
SMF Premier Member
3,862
4,286
Joined Oct 17, 2014
Good one Hank! We'll be close to that, lights off and not answering the door. RAY
 

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