How to cook brisket completely wrong in 20 easy steps....

Discussion in 'Beef' started by timstalltaletav, Sep 21, 2013.

  1. I'm pretty sure I've made every error you can in today's smoke...

    Step 1:  Wake up around 7:30am with massive hangover from last night hungry for brisket

    Step 2:  Go to usual butcher shop for brisket...  no good, they don't have any brisket left at 8:30am?  Apparently everyone else was hungry for brisket too?

    Step 3:  Plan B...  Go to Walmart.  One piece of brisket (14# packer).  BUT... it's "today's special" because it's out of date tomorrow.  Still clouded from the beer...  I decide what the hell...  Let's do it!

    Step 4:  Come back to the truck and realize the dog put her paw through the screen of my phone on the console of the truck

    Step 5:  Get home, realize that packer cut won't fit into my crappy Masterforge Charcoal Vertical

    Step 5a:  Consider going to Smokey Bones for lunch...

    Step 6:  Realize that I don't have much beef rub left.  Definitely not enough for 14# of beef

    Step 6a:  Still thinking about going to Smokey Bones

    Step 7:  Throw together some left over spices from other projects into a shaker

    Step 8:  Hangover kicking into full force now....  reconsider trimming any fat off the brisket.

    Step 9:  Trim off way less fat than usual; instead of separating point from flat, I just cut it in half to fit on the POS smoker...

    Step 10:  Start smoker.... 

    Step 11:  Smoker cruising at 250... throw two hunks of meat on the grates; crack open a beer but forgot where I put it

    Step 12:  Cruising along good at 230 for 3 hours... THEN...

    Step 13:  Massive spike to 400...  stays there for 2 hours

    Step 14:  Figure forget it....  this is shot, the dogs will eat good..  BUT thought I'll put the probe in.   Meat = 140 degrees

    Step 15:  Meat seems forgiving...  figure let it go at this point

    Step 15a:  Refer back to #6.... open first (sixth) beer.  Jump ahead to 16.... 7 beer cans in the recycling bin

    Step 16:  Massive downpour....  oh well it cooled the smoker down...

    Step 17:  Meat at 170, foiled and in a pan

    Step 18:  Sister in Law (vegan...) shows up...  tease her with cut off fat pieces of brisket

    Step 19:  SIL still here.... flat in the cooler, point cubed and back on the cooker for burnt ends

    Step 20:  Everything done...  Qview coming as soon as I can see the screen on my phone (refer to step #4)

    This was honestly the worst cook I've had in a while.  Temp's way too high, not enough rub, completely inconsistent heat... and it still turned out to be one of the best briskets I've cooked!

    I guess it's true...  even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while...
  2. davidhef88

    davidhef88 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    I've had those days. Lol.
  3. Nice story  [​IMG]

  4. Tray of burnt ends. Couple sips of the "clear" and everything is right again.
  5. Nice! good recovery!
  6. For both the beef.... and me!
  7. Step 21: SIL leaves... with a gallon size bag of burnt ends and slices "for the kids"....
    skypilot likes this.
  8. smokingreg

    smokingreg Smoke Blower

    I got a chuckle out of this.  Those burnt ends actually look pretty good.

    What's your clear sip? Shine?
  9. Yup. Shine... some guy I know picked it up when it fell off a truck.

    But really... it's real good stuff high-test, but super smooth
  10. woodcutter

    woodcutter Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Those look great!
  11. smokingreg

    smokingreg Smoke Blower

    The real deal, eh?

    I've only had it twice, but I sure remember it.
  12. woodcutter

    woodcutter Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Now if a doctor would have checked your blood pressure today he would have blamed it on the shine when really it was all the little misfortunes that happened to you today.
  13. Exactly! I like to think the shine mitigates not aggravates my BP!
  14. Was enjoying the burnt ends so much... forgot about a money shot of the flat.
  15. And... sliced.
  16. The full Monty...
  17. richjt92

    richjt92 Fire Starter

    That was quite a day...but sliced brisket at the end of the day and teasing a vegan....priceless...

    Gig 'Em Aggies...BTHO SMU...

  18. Great post. Been there.
  19. Outstanding story and chow.  Moved to Nashville recently and a co worker gave some of his shine on Friday.  Might need to save it for my next smoke.

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