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Here's a Few!

sawhorseray

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So I was at the store earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping cart. With an attitude she asked me what type of dog I had. I told her it was my service dog. Then she got real snarky and said, I knew that. What type of service? I said he was a BLD. By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly. She said, what is a BLD? I told her it stood for Butt Licking Dog. She said Butt Licking Dog? I said yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can't seem to be able to find toilet paper because of hoarders.
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A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the Story: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.

The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet and the wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.

The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.

"Thanks," the girl replied.

The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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noboundaries

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Fun stuff!

That last picture reminds me of a time I picked my wife up from work. Years ago, we were driving home (east) on a straight and 55 mph two-lane back road (Baseline for those familiar with Sacramento/Roseville, CA). There are large sections of the road that are only fields. It was triple digits outside and the sun was about an hour away from setting.

Up ahead I see a twenty-something girl walking west wearing jeans, a cowboy hat, and a backpack. As we drove by I did a double-take. I asked my wife, "Did she have a top on?"

"Nope. Not even a bra."

Haven't seen her since, but I always keep a keen eye ready just in case.
 

GaryHibbert

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I think the little girl firefighter was the best.
Thanks Ray.
Gary
 

chef jimmyj

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That kid on the Bigwheel looks like me and every other kid in my NJ neighborhood in the Sixties! In the summer, we got out of the house by 9am and usually did not come home until 4:30 , to watch the 4:30 Movie, especially during Monster Week and Edgar Allan Poe week. Supper was promptly at 6pm and back outside until the Street Light came on. If you came home Crying, you probably needed to be taken to the Emergency Room!...JJ
 

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