Twas the night before Christmas and all thru the house
Not creature was stirring not even Mouse
The smoker was stoked with some apple wood there
Awaiting the briskets that soon would be there
The smokers were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Baby backs danced in their heads
The dogs in their kennel and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter nap
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
The fresh fallen snow was covered in ash
The smoke that arose there was curly and blue
There stood a chap that had had quite a few
The driver was not as you might guess St Nick.
Twas a drunkard a heaving and getting real sick
I yelled at him Fat Boy get off of my lawn
That did the trick in a thrice he was gone
He dove into a bag that was tattered and old
But what he came out with was dearer than gold
What to my wondering eyes did appear
A shiny new Lang and a half sac of beer.
Hell what is this I stammered out loud
The smoke and the Lang were drawing a crowd
He looked at the tag and I heard him exclaim
It yours for achieving OTBS hall fame
Still not believing my incredible luck
I said really? For me? You silly old duck
Not quite believing the incredible luck.
His fist started glowing, a flame did appear as
He took one more tug on his can of beer
And He began now to write with a blazing white flame.
And soon on the front was emblazoned my name
He had my attention because it was clear
The lang was a smoking one really big deer.
The ribs were all hung by the top rack with care
In hope that the blue smoke would soon find them there.
He flung on a Turkey with a really quick flick,
He was faster than lightning this dumb looking hick.
He threw on more meat at a blistering pace
A sprinkling the rub all over the place
There’s mustard, there’s custard there’s salt and cracked P
He tossed on the spices with such mounting glee
Then he laughed quite loudly with a slap of his knee
Dig in and eat hearty said that jolly elf
He laughed till he jiggled so proud of him self
We feasted and feasted and gained such a crowd
Till finally the great elf did bellow out loud.
I’ve taken to long with delivering this stuff
Come on you hounds we been here long enuff
He sprang to the Lang and with one puff of blue smoke
These were the next words my hero then spoke
On Tuffy on Turtle
On Ralfie and Fred
On Rosebud on Snuffy and even you Ed !
Get going real quickly or I’ll shoot ya dead
The creatures that pulled it did just what he said.
Not horses not reindeer were pulling that Lang
As it squeaked and it groaned as it moved with a bang.
Then came a howl that chilled one to the bone
Twas then I got frightened and I wasn’t alone
There’s seven large bloodhound that sprang to his word
A barkin and howling like you’ve never heard
One had a nose like that famous reindeer
Who lit up the nite till its perfectly clear
I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight
Merry smoking to all and to all a good night.
Sadly at this point I woke up.
Not creature was stirring not even Mouse
The smoker was stoked with some apple wood there
Awaiting the briskets that soon would be there
The smokers were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Baby backs danced in their heads
The dogs in their kennel and I in my cap
Had just settled down for a long winter nap
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
The fresh fallen snow was covered in ash
The smoke that arose there was curly and blue
There stood a chap that had had quite a few
The driver was not as you might guess St Nick.
Twas a drunkard a heaving and getting real sick
I yelled at him Fat Boy get off of my lawn
That did the trick in a thrice he was gone
He dove into a bag that was tattered and old
But what he came out with was dearer than gold
What to my wondering eyes did appear
A shiny new Lang and a half sac of beer.
Hell what is this I stammered out loud
The smoke and the Lang were drawing a crowd
He looked at the tag and I heard him exclaim
It yours for achieving OTBS hall fame
Still not believing my incredible luck
I said really? For me? You silly old duck
Not quite believing the incredible luck.
His fist started glowing, a flame did appear as
He took one more tug on his can of beer
And He began now to write with a blazing white flame.
And soon on the front was emblazoned my name
He had my attention because it was clear
The lang was a smoking one really big deer.
The ribs were all hung by the top rack with care
In hope that the blue smoke would soon find them there.
He flung on a Turkey with a really quick flick,
He was faster than lightning this dumb looking hick.
He threw on more meat at a blistering pace
A sprinkling the rub all over the place
There’s mustard, there’s custard there’s salt and cracked P
He tossed on the spices with such mounting glee
Then he laughed quite loudly with a slap of his knee
Dig in and eat hearty said that jolly elf
He laughed till he jiggled so proud of him self
We feasted and feasted and gained such a crowd
Till finally the great elf did bellow out loud.
I’ve taken to long with delivering this stuff
Come on you hounds we been here long enuff
He sprang to the Lang and with one puff of blue smoke
These were the next words my hero then spoke
On Tuffy on Turtle
On Ralfie and Fred
On Rosebud on Snuffy and even you Ed !
Get going real quickly or I’ll shoot ya dead
The creatures that pulled it did just what he said.
Not horses not reindeer were pulling that Lang
As it squeaked and it groaned as it moved with a bang.
Then came a howl that chilled one to the bone
Twas then I got frightened and I wasn’t alone
There’s seven large bloodhound that sprang to his word
A barkin and howling like you’ve never heard
One had a nose like that famous reindeer
Who lit up the nite till its perfectly clear
I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight
Merry smoking to all and to all a good night.
Sadly at this point I woke up.
