Because I'm a man

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by wildflower, Mar 6, 2012.

  1. Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will

    fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.

    Calling AAA is not an option. I will win.

    ______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man , when the car isn't running very well,

    I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what

    I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say

    to the other, 'I used to be able to fix these things, but now

    with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know

    where to start.' We will then drink a couple of beers and

    break wind, as a form of holy communion.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone

    to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and

    moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so

    for you, this is no problem.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic

    groceries at the store, like steaks, beer, milk or bread. I cannot be

    expected to find exotic items like 'tofu' or 'tampons'.

    For all I know, these are the same thing.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops

    working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that

    this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person

    gets here and has to put it back together.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote

    control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been

    misplaced, I may miss a whole show looking for it .... Though

    one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator ......

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm

    thinking about. The true answer is always either food, cars,

    sports or sex. I have to make up something else when

    you ask, so don't ask.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the

    movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't,

    and if you are feeling amorous afterwards ... then I will

    certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I

    thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,

    too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,

    looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

    _______________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2012, I

    will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry,

    the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes,

    and I'll do the rest...... like hosing down the patio and wandering

    around in the garden with a soda , or ? and wondering what to do next.
     
  2. I resemble those remarks.
     
  3. LOL gotta send this one to the other half!!!! Thanks

    Alesia
     
  4. daveomak

    daveomak Smoking Guru OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Are you spying on me ??????
     
  5. whittling chip

    whittling chip Meat Mopper SMF Premier Member

    When I forwarded this to my wife, she resonded, "BUSTED".
     

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