So far, I've slaughtered The Night Before Christmas three ways but I've never done a smoking version. This is a Subaru version:
- - - - -
'Twas the night before Christmas, and under the snow
not a bit of dry pavement was seen on the roads.
SUVs cluttered ditches, their wheels in the air,
in hopes that a tow truck winch soon would be there.
But I drifted softly, the flakes as my friends,
my high-beam lights swinging with all the road's bends.
My cargo of presents, all packed in with care,
was tumbling around, and flying in the air.
My BOV banged, and my cat-back it cackled;
my fenders were packed, and my spoiler was speckled.
The Blizzaks they bit, and the Brembos they baked,
and icicles hanged from my cold air intake.
When far off ahead, I saw a faint light -
seemed stuck in a snowdrift, it didn't look right.
It dimly glowed red and it seemed to be blinking;
"Another pull for the Subie" was what I was thinking.
I pulled over slowly to help out the fellas,
but eighteen bright eyes blinked right back at my Hellas.
I couldn't believe it! It was Santa's sleigh!
And dammit, the whole rig was blocking my way.
The deer were all stamping their feet in the cold,
and Santa was giving poor Rudolph a scold.
The sleigh was all loaded with wondrous things,
but it was high-centered - and had no D-rings!
I pulled out my tree saver strap in a hurry,
and told old Saint Nick there was no need to worry.
We'll hook up this strap, and we'll see how it fits then
on Dancer! On Prancer! On Donner! On Blitzen!
We tugged, but we hardly made any headway,
'till fat old Saint Nick got his butt off the sleigh.
And then they were free! With great thanks from the Elf.
"I'll wash the strap later" I thought to myself.
But the time it was short and we all had to fly;
I packed up my gear and I waved them good-bye.
They wished me safe journey, to which I did chime:
"**** straight! Unlike you guys, I'll get there on time!"
