I work in the court system. These definitely sound true to form. Some funny things I've seen/heard:
Judge: Bail is set at $50,000.
Defense Attorney: Your honor, may I ask you to reconsider? The bail set here at 1st appearance is known to influence the amount set if these allegations are charged in Superior Court.
Judge: Good! Bail is $100,000.
Judge: You are hereby sentenced to 90 days in jail, with credit for the 98 you've already served.
Defendant: Can I get credit for those extra days the next time I'm arrested?
Judge: Uh, well, I'm uh, hoping you won't be here again...
Guy once missed his court date for Possession of a Stolen Vehicle, because he got caught driving a stolen vehicle on his way to court.
On another stolen vehicle case, pictures of his arrest show the guy wearing a t-shirt that says, "Drive it like you stole it."
Guy shows up at 9am to plead guilty to a felony DUI, and he's wobbling a little as he stands before the judge, who is about 15' away. Even from that distance, the judge (and everybody else) can acutely smell alcohol coming from him.
Judge: Sir, how did you get here today?
Defendant: My friend drove me.
Judge: What's your friend's name?
Defendant: I don't remember.
Judge: Have you been drinking today??
Defendant: No.
Judge: I ask you again. Are you drunk?
Defendant: Maybe. (His attorney is looking helpless.)
Judge: We cannot proceed with this plea today. I'm finding Mr. X has violated his conditions of release. Officers, please remand him to the jail.
Defendant: Hey!! Whattabout my car!?
Officers bring in a sweet looking, little old lady before the judge. She looks like Granny from the Warner Bros. cartoons, who owns Tweety Bird.
Judge: Mam, we're here for a probable cause hearing for one count of felony harassment. Do you understand?
Little Old Lady: Yeah, you *%&
[email protected]#@^$*&$&^#&^$&#^%#*&$^&#&^%%$&%*^*(^*%%^DYRE^%&$&#^&$&*$%**^
[email protected](*$$^&#
[email protected]%##^*$^&#*$&^#&^#%$*^#^%@^&#^%#^&#%^#^&$^&#^&$*$&^#&*$&$$*&$^&@*T*%(*($&^%@$%*(
[email protected]&*((%^$*(($#^#**((()&#@#^$#**(^)(%^$%&^#%(($&^#
[email protected]$^*(*#(&#^*)))()&$^#$*
[email protected]@#&!!%@^#$&()(*#^$#@%@#^()_)(*#%^@#@%)(*(*&%
[email protected]#%&())&^@%
[email protected]!%@#$^%*((__)*&#%^@#%%$*&)*&#^*^&)(&^#@@&*(@!!!!!!!!#@^*)*)&#%^@%@$^%*&(($^%#$*()())_))(%#(%&^)(_)*(&&^%#$%^@@%$%^*&)_*&#$#$*&)(*&%#@#$()!!!!!!!!!!
#*@% you!!
At this point the judge signals the officers to take her back into the holding tank.
Judge to defense attorney: Any objection to probable cause?
Defense Attorney: Um, no.
(I used to work on construction sites with iron workers, pipe fitters, electricians, etc, and I've
never heard language like that!)