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Couple more for Friday

GaryHibbert

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This is the BEST quote about Covid I've heard yet!! It applies world wide:


Vacine.jpg



These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court" and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. Some are old, but some are new to me:
______________________________

ATTORNEY: What
gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are
you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
___________________________________

ATTORNEY: What
is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
______________________________ _______

ATTORNEY: How
old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
______________________________



ATTORNEY: Now
doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________ ______



ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, very close to your IQ.
______________________________ ___________



ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

______________________________



ATTORNEY: So
the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
______________________________ ___________

ATTORNEY: She
had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
______________________________


ATTORNEY: How
was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
______________________________ ___________

ATTORNEY: Can
you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
______________________________


ATTORNEY: Is
your appearance here this morning pursuant
to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

______________________________



ATTORNEY: ALL
of your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you attend?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________ ___________

ATTORNEY: Do
you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY:
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is
possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 

robrpb

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Joined Jul 15, 2020
I've read those attorney questioning witnesses in court before, but they are still funny.
 

Brokenhandle

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Those are great Gary! I don't know how those court recorders kept a straight face

Ryan
 

GaryHibbert

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Gary,
Those brought a smile to my face.
Thanks,
Stuart
I've read those attorney questioning witnesses in court before, but they are still funny.
Those are great Gary! I don't know how those court recorders kept a straight face
Ryan
Hilarious Gary! Love those Court ones.
Thanks guys. Most of the court ones I've seen before, but the new ones had me laughing out loud.
Gary
 

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