Best Opener Yet!

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sawhorseray

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For those that follow my joke posts you know that I always try to open with a bit of a written story type joke. I consider this to be about the best opener ever, so here we go! RAY

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.

The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process.

After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.

Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous.

'You have no arms !'

'No matter,' said the man. 'Observe !'
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon.
The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.

But suddenly, as he rushed forward to strike the bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.

The stunned bishop rushed down two hundred and ninety five church steps, when he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moment before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,

'Bishop, who was this man ?'..

'I don't know his name,' the bishop sadly replied,

WAIT FOR IT!!!
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' .................... BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL'

WAIT ! WAIT ! There's more

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.

The first man to approach him said, 'Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday.

I pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.'

The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.

Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

'What has happened ? Who is this man ?' the first monk asked breathlessly.

'I don't know his name,' sighed the distraught bishop, 'but....'

(. . . Wait for it .....)



'HE'S A DEAD RINGER FOR HIS BROTHER.

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JLeonard

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Another group of good ones! Of course the Far Side ones always crack me up.
And the one about the thermometer reminds of when I first went into nursing, We had like the second generation of electronic thermometers. They had two probes on them, one oral the other rectal. I used to love to ask my patients.."you know what the difference is in them?.....Usually the taste!"

Jim
 

sawhorseray

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Of course the Far Side ones always crack me up. Jim
I've been a huge Gary Larson fan for about 50 years Jim. You can get a daily dose every day on this site, tho nothing is able to be copied. Takes me about a half hour every morning to go thru the comics, love 'em, always have! RAY

 

GaryHibbert

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Good ones, Ray.
I've seen part one of the opener, but not part 2 :emoji_laughing: :emoji_laughing:
I heard the Ukrainian soldier swore he had his finger off the trigger and it just went off on it's own.
I just gotta get one of those crap straps. Then I won't have to worry about crapping inside the hood of my winter coveralls.
Gary
 

JLeonard

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SmokingUPnorth

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Haha I remember my dad telling me the opening joke when I was little. I always thought about it. Just could never remember exactly how it went. Thanks!!!
 
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gmc2003

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I think this may be the best batch yet Ray, but this one must have been written by a millennial because the dates are wrong.

Boomers: 1946 to 1964
X'ers: 1965 to 1980

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chilerelleno

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And this one made me think of chilerelleno chilerelleno , sorry John ( but I know you kept at it )

View attachment 655450

David
LOL, not quite my first, more like 300th-400th jump range when I said, "Hey y'all, watch this!"

When some student jumper should probably stay on the ground, an instructor will write "TUG" in their logbook. The student invariably asks, "What's TUG mean?
Take Up Golf!
 
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