Aging Parents...

[mneeley490]

I feel for you. My folks are in their mid/late 80's, and live 6 hours away. I've tried to get them to give up their house and move to assisted living closer to me, but my dad won't budge, and my mom still thinks she should be able to bring all her junk up with her, i.e. 2 bedroom full household into a small 1-bedroom A.L. apartment.
The thing with the phone reminded me of my dad. He went down to the Verizon store and demanded that they take off the texting feature for his phone because he didn't want to pay for it. They tried explaining to him that it was included, but finally had to placate him with, "Okay sir, it's been taken off." So upshot is, even though I'm sure his phone still has the feature, I can't contact him with it because he won't check it.

 

[nomoreusmc]

My mom is just starting dementia. It's horrifying. I have no advise but I do share your horror and worry. I already know I'm going to have to get her declared and put her in a home before I move out on my big adventure. It's so scary though.

 

[chef k-dude]

Glad she turned up and is OK. My parents are 82 and still insist on driving to southern Florida to snowbird every winter. My dad is not ready to give up driving and I have zero desire to shuttle them to and from Florida...in fact, I dont even want their condo down there if I outlive them. Maybe that will change in the future, but I'm still fine with 4 seasons and Florida doesn't attract me. Been there done that. About 2 days at the beach and I'm done at any beach! And I dont care to fish...so...

I worry about them though, when they travel. Dad is getting more and more tired from the driving and I worry they could be victims of crime at the places they stop along the way. I tried to take over driving on day trips to Thanksgiving meal 3 hours away and he got a little defensive and would only let me drive back. I have decided to step back and wait until THEY tell me they need help, unless they get so bad I have to forcefully step in.

I had them build on two acres of my property next door to me for this exact reason. I can walk the path through the woods over to their house.

Great news! My wife took care of my mom the last 3 years of her life, had some dementia and many health issues, mom passed in April of 20... her long time physician actually came to the house twice towards the end... that never happens anymore but he was awesome ! Now dad is 88, still helps with farming and does too much but dread the day if I ever have to tell him it's not safe for him to be around farm equipment.

Ryan

My dad still loves his tractor too. Not a farmer, but he has a tractor and wants to use it for everything. He still gets out there and chainsaws too. Worries me to death. Sure, he's a big help, he dont even burn firewood and its what I heat my house with for the most part, but last year in the summer I caught him out there chainsawing in shorts. I had to get on him about that! He bleeds with the slightest nick, he wouldn't survive getting the chainsaw across his leg. I could not believe my eyes. Thought he was smarter than that.

You might try installing a security camera to check in on them. Inexpensive cams are out there. Reolink even have some that work on cellular, those work good as I have 2 of them in use. Some even have 2 way audio. Just my thoughts on your situation.

My dad already has cameras set up, but this is the answer if the parent will allow bieng monitored. I am a very private person and would have a hard time with it. I will probbaly replace the cameras my dad has if/when the time comes but nowadays there is two way audio. If one of them dies, I can say good morning to them even if they wont answer their phone...without even walking over there! Even though they live next door, we dont see each other all the time, thankfully. I love them but living next door was never intended to be a saturation thing. I moved out at age 18 and never looked back. I love them but not trying to be full time with my parents until they need me to be, if/when that happens.

 

[sandyut]

I feel for you. My folks are in their mid/late 80's, and live 6 hours away. I've tried to get them to give up their house and move to assisted living closer to me, but my dad won't budge, and my mom still thinks she should be able to bring all her junk up with her, i.e. 2 bedroom full household into a small 1-bedroom A.L. apartment.
The thing with the phone reminded me of my dad. He went down to the Verizon store and demanded that they take off the texting feature for his phone because he didn't want to pay for it. They tried explaining to him that it was included, but finally had to placate him with, "Okay sir, it's been taken off." So upshot is, even though I'm sure his phone still has the feature, I can't contact him with it because he won't check it.

I move back to within 45 minutes of her a couple years back. our kids are here too, but being close helps. my mom lives in independent living, with assisted as an option. thankfully she went there on her own!

My mom is just starting dementia. It's horrifying. I have no advise but I do share your horror and worry. I already know I'm going to have to get her declared and put her in a home before I move out on my big adventure. It's so scary though.

oh man, one of my best friends lost his MIL and and mom to dementia. so sorry man, its horrible. all we can do is our best and what is best for them. while trying to care for ourselves. its a tough deal.

Glad she turned up and is OK. My parents are 82 and still insist on driving to southern Florida to snowbird every winter. My dad is not ready to give up driving and I have zero desire to shuttle them to and from Florida...in fact, I dont even want their condo down there if I outlive them. Maybe that will change in the future, but I'm still fine with 4 seasons and Florida doesn't attract me. Been there done that. About 2 days at the beach and I'm done at any beach! And I dont care to fish...so...

I worry about them though, when they travel. Dad is getting more and more tired from the driving and I worry they could be victims of crime at the places they stop along the way. I tried to take over driving on day trips to Thanksgiving meal 3 hours away and he got a little defensive and would only let me drive back. I have decided to step back and wait until THEY tell me they need help, unless they get so bad I have to forcefully step in.

I had them build on two acres of my property next door to me for this exact reason. I can walk the path through the woods over to their house.


My dad still loves his tractor too. Not a farmer, but he has a tractor and wants to use it for everything. He still gets out there and chainsaws too. Worries me to death. Sure, he's a big help, he dont even burn firewood and its what I heat my house with for the most part, but last year in the summer I caught him out there chainsawing in shorts. I had to get on him about that! He bleeds with the slightest nick, he wouldn't survive getting the chainsaw across his leg. I could not believe my eyes. Thought he was smarter than that.

My dad already has cameras set up, but this is the answer if the parent will allow bieng monitored. I am a very private person and would have a hard time with it. I will probbaly replace the cameras my dad has if/when the time comes but nowadays there is two way audio. If one of them dies, I can say good morning to them even if they wont answer their phone...without even walking over there! Even though they live next door, we dont see each other all the time, thankfully. I love them but living next door was never intended to be a saturation thing. I moved out at age 18 and never looked back. I love them but not trying to be full time with my parents until they need me to be, if/when that happens.

the driving thing is the worst. I just wish she would quit. when I bring it up she gets real spicy and refuses. totaled a car 2 years ago, blown a few tires hitting curb etc. not weather related.