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A Few Short Funnies

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by rabbithutch, Oct 22, 2013.

  1. rabbithutch

    rabbithutch Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Wife: 'What are you doing?'

    Husband: Nothing.

    Wife : 'Nothing...?
    You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

    Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

    -------------------------------

    Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

    Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

    Wife: 'Yes or no.'


    --------------------------------------------------------

    Stress Reliever

    Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries and
    troubles and lighten your burden.'

    Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'

    Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

    ------------------------------

    Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'

    Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'

    Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

    ________________________________

    A newly married man asked his wife,
    'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

    'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly,
    'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

    ------------------------------------------------------------

    A wife asked her husband:
    'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

    He looked at her from head to toe and replied:
    'I like your sense of humour!'

    Husbands are husbands

    A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
    head with a frying pan.

    'What was that for?' the man asked.

    The wife replied
    'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
    The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
    The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
    Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
    Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
    Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned'

    MISINTERPRETATION...


    I was in a pub last Saturday night, and drank a few,
    and noticed two very large women by the bar. They
    both had pretty strong accents, so I asked, "Hey, are
    you two ladies from Ireland ?"

    One of them chirped, saying, "It's WALES , you
    bloomin' idiot!"

    So, I immediately apologized and said, "I'm sorry.
    Are you two whales from Ireland ?"

    That's pretty much the last thing I remember...
     
  2. dutch

    dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Dang rabbit-I gonna have to remember that last one. Had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes.
     
  3. pc farmer

    pc farmer Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator OTBS Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    [​IMG]   good ones