> Never take your retired husband shopping........at Wal-Mart. After Mr.
> and Mrs. Collins retired, Mrs. Collins insisted her husband accompany her
> on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Collins was like most men --
> he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
> unfortunately, Mrs. Collins was like most women -- she loved to browse.
> One day Mrs. Collins received the following letter from her local
> Wal-Mart.
>
> Dear Mrs. Collins,
>
> Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion
> in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban
> both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Collins are listed
> below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
>
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
> carts when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
> intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
> women's rest-room.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
> "Code 3 in Housewares - get on it right away."
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on
> layaway.
>
> 6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
> shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from
> the bedding department.
>
> 8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
> and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
>
> 9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
> mirror while he picked his nose.
>
> 10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked
> the clerk where the antidepressants were.
>
> 11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
> the "Mission Impossible" theme.
>
>
> 12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by
> using different sizes of funnels.
>
> 13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through
> yelled, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
>
> 14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
> assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
>
> And last, but not least,
>
> 15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile,
> then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
>
