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Hey, it's Tuesday!!!

sawhorseray

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A 74-year-old man is having a drink in Harpoon Harry’s. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $400, and there's another condition.” Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is. "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words. The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman. He whips out his wallet and puts $400 dollars into her hand. He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house.

Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains.

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RANDOM THOUGHTS:

A cold seat in a public restroom is unpleasant. A warm seat in a public restroom is worse.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

Apparently RSVP'ing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time," isn't the correct response.

Don't irritate old people. The older we get, the less "Life in prison" is a deterrent.

Aliens probably fly by earth and lock their doors.

"You will hit every cone on the highway before I let you merge in front of me because I know you saw that sign 2 miles back like I did."

I asked my wife if I was the only one she had ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens....give it a minute....

I really don't mind getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

It turns out that being an adult now is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I miss the '90s when bread was still good for you and no one knew what kale was.

Do you ever get up in the morning, look in the mirror and think "That can't be accurate."

I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas now.

As I watch this new generation try to rewrite our history, one thing I'm sure of....it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make food right in front of you. I took her to Subway. That's when the fight started....

I went line dancing last night. OK, it was a roadside sobriety test ... same thing.
 

smokeymose

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The one about the car computer got me. We bought a new Subaru Legacy in '19 because we wanted a comfortable traveling car to visit relatives in PA and kids in TN.
I'm still not sure what all the flippers on the steering wheel do and it takes me 10 minutes to "program" the clock......
I always love these posts :-)
 

chef jimmyj

Epic Pitmaster
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Just keep getting better...JJ
 

MJB05615

Master of the Pit
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Joined May 12, 2018
All really good ones today Ray. I lke the going back to 14 again to ruin my life with new ideas.
 

GaryHibbert

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Great jokes, Ray.
"That didn't work" hits too close to home, though.
Gary
 

clifish

Smoking Fanatic
683
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Joined May 25, 2019
The one about the car computer got me. We bought a new Subaru Legacy in '19 because we wanted a comfortable traveling car to visit relatives in PA and kids in TN.
I'm still not sure what all the flippers on the steering wheel do and it takes me 10 minutes to "program" the clock......
I always love these posts :-)
my parents got a 2019 outback and the same thing, they hit the paddle shifters and don't know how to get out of the mode. We have been unable to reset the clock since they got it.
 

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