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Here's a Couple!

sawhorseray

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I remember one time when I was a kid my Dad was in a hurry to get to work, so he gave me money to pay the electric bill, but instead, I rode my bicycle nearly ten miles away to a local car dealership where I bought some raffle tickets to win a brand new car.
Late that night when my Dad got home from work, he asked if I remembered to pay the bill, but rather than lying, I had to explain to him what I did.
He beat the crap out of me that night.
But here’s the best part of the story... A few nights later, when my Dad got home after another long day at work, outside my house was a brand new car sitting at the end of our driveway. He just looked at me with a blank stare and tears in his eyes. My brother and Sister cried, my Mom cried, we all cried, especially me, because the car was from the electric company and they were there to cut off the electricity, and so my Dad beat the crap out of me again, but this time it was in the dark.



The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered "Interesting," the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director. The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
(Wait for it) She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go." (Oh, just hush-up)


A young man finds the woman of his dreams and asks her to marry him. He tells his mother he wants her to meet his fiance, but he wants to make a bit of a game out of it. He says he'll bring the girl over with two other women and see if his mother can guess which is the one he wants to marry. His mother agrees to the game.

That night, he shows up at his mother's house with three beautiful young ladies. They all sit down on the couch, and everyone has a wonderful evening talking and getting to know each other.

At the end of the evening, the young man asks his mother, 'OK, Mom, which one is the woman I want to marry?'

Without any hesitation at all, his mother replies, 'The one in the middle.'

The young man is astounded. 'How in the world did you figure it out?'

'Easy,' she says. 'I don't like her.'
 

HalfSmoked

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OK OK another great laugh.

Warren
 

Winterrider

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Those are good ones Ray !
 

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