What's Your Worst Meal Story??

[tjohnson]

Awesome Stories!

I'm gonna change  the title of the thread

My cousin made a birthday cake for my Grandma's 90th B-Day.  The cake looked beautiful and Grandma was so proud.

One bite, and I almost puked!

My uncle asked her what was in the cake???

She replied, "The recipe called for 1 Cup of Coffee"

My cousin put 1 cup of "Ground Coffee", instead of "Brewed Coffee"

Any Yes My Friends....She Is That Dumb!

Todd

 

[tjohnson]

Nice to see you back Mark!

TJ

 

[meateater]

Awesome Stories!

I'm gonna change  the title of the thread

My cousin made a birthday cake for my Grandma's 90th B-Day.  The cake looked beautiful and Grandma was so proud.

One bite, and I almost puked!

My uncle asked her what was in the cake???

She replied, "The recipe called for 1 Cup of Coffee"

My cousin put 1 cup of "Ground Coffee", instead of "Brewed Coffee"

Any Yes My Friends....She Is That Dumb!

Todd

 

[Bearcarver]

Now your more of a man then I am. I would hae told him about his ribs. Maybe tell her but I wouldn't have to eat their ribs anymore. I would however tell the hubby half of that team to go get his spine back and show him how to smoke some good ribs.

Welcome back Mark! We missed ya!

Thought we'd have to start calling you a "Jersey Boy".

Bear

 

[sunman76]

 I have a picture in my head of the turkey they cooked on national lampoons Christmas.....
 

  She should have used some (Turkey Jerky seasoning)! 

Every Thanksgiving dinner I have had at my mother-in-laws!

.... the year she decided to use french cut CANNED green beans to make the green bean casserole - can you say green bean MUSH!

.... the year she had to work the early morning shift at the jail and decided to put the turkey in at 3:00 AM at 225° and let it go till 4:00 PM before taking it out - yes, yes it is possible to jerky a  WHOLE turkey!

.... the year she cooked a whole ham in one of those counter top electric oven things. Not sure how long it was in there, but it was soooo dry that it crumbled apart and looked like chipped beef. My wife was unable to identify what type of meat it was supposed to be and had to just ask the kids "Who want's..... um..... meat?"

God bless the woman she tries, and loves having the family over for holiday meals - but we now have a new family tradition: Go to grandma's eat just enough to be polite, and stop for burgers on the way home!

 

[gotarace]

This thread makes me think of nothing but the Pasties my Aunt used to make. The crust was made with some kind of rendered lard that tasted rancid. They had a lifetimes worth of half cooked Lima beans in each of them and the meat was a fine ground combination of fat and grizzle. The problem with them is she was PROUD of these things. She would stand around the table and wait for compliments all the time your trying to choke one down. One time she left the room so i tossed the complete Pastie to her dog and he spit it out on the floor ...... wouldn't eat it. This was unbelievable because this is the same dog that thought cat turds are fine dining and ate them often. 

 

[sunman76]

 

This thread makes me think of nothing but the Pasties my Aunt used to make. The crust was made with some kind of rendered lard that tasted rancid. They had a lifetimes worth of half cooked Lima beans in each of them and the meat was a fine ground combination of fat and grizzle. The problem with these is she was PROUD of these things. She would stand around the table and wait for compliments all the time your trying to choke one down. One time she left the room so i tossed the complete Pastie to her dog and he spit it out on the floor and wouldn't eat it. This was unbelievable because this is the same dog that thought cat turds are fine dining and ate them often. 

 

[alelover]

I think you win gotarace. That cracked me up.

 

[Bearcarver]

This thread makes me think of nothing but the Pasties my Aunt used to make. The crust was made with some kind of rendered lard that tasted rancid. They had a lifetimes worth of half cooked Lima beans in each of them and the meat was a fine ground combination of fat and grizzle. The problem with them is she was PROUD of these things. She would stand around the table and wait for compliments all the time your trying to choke one down. One time she left the room so i tossed the complete Pastie to her dog and he spit it out on the floor ...... wouldn't eat it. This was unbelievable because this is the same dog that thought cat turds are fine dining and ate them often. 

gotarace,
I used to do a lot of bar-hopping, but I don't think I ever tried to eat one of their pasties.   

I probably came close, but I don't remember. 

At least that's the story I'm sticking to.

Couldn't resist,

Bear

 

[alelover]

 

[tjohnson]

Pasties are a big thing with miners.  My mom used to make us eat them.

My Mom's had rutabagas and/or turnips.

There's not enough ketchup in the world to make them taste good, let alone make them edible!!

The should call them "Nasties", not pasties!

Todd

 

[atomicsmoke]

Worst meal I cooked:
Always wanted to eat cod in pil pil sauce (basque dish). I even got salted cod (instead of fresh) to make it authentic. You can probably imagine the stench during the desalting process.

The critical step for the pil pil sauce is to cook it slow enough to allow the protein to ooze out of the fish and emulsify the oil, similar to making aioli. A lot of oil (olive)...a cup. Experts say you can't even stir...you need to move the pan in a circular motion so the oil will flow over the fish. So I did that but things didn't seem to progress as expected. I could see the milky oozing but it would separate from oil. The fish was cooked , my emulsion was still an unappealing oily mix. No fear, said experts had a cheat. Emulsify the sauce with an immersion blender. Did that...seemed a bit better. Went on top of the fish. Hoping for a miracle...I tasted the fish. No miracle...just as oily as I expected. Went into the trash along with the rest of the dry salted cod.

I put that craving on hold until my next trip to Spain.

 

[oldschoolbbq]

I was driving around last Summer minding my own business and wasting time since the Wife was working. I saw someone cooking on a Smoker and behold they invited me to join them for the meal , had lots of good Barbecue He exclaimed 

Didn't now him , but He said this was a great way to meet neighbors and with that he led me to his Smoker , an SFB . The belly was full (I mean full) of charcoal . On the grill (which was bending with the heat) , he had what were some nice looking Steaks and some Chicken that was Black.

I was polite , ate ( the parts I could) , visited and had a good time . Just wish he had met me sooner, those Steaks were big Ribeyes.

In went home and the next week , I used my Father's Day gift cert. to a Meat Mkt. and got a Brisket. I cooked it as I usually don and thought of Russ,  and his poor outcome and sliced a plate of it and went to visit.

The whole family got some and his wife . Yvonne , said teach him to do this... they still come over when I cook , not for the food , but the company and watching how I o things...

He gets a new MB40 this Christmas and wants me to coach him.

Made a new friend and convert too. He has no Computer or I would get him on the forum...

 

[tucson bbq fan]

Worst I ever did:

I had just come home from boy scout summer camp as a kid and had "learned" how to cook over a campfire.  (Or at least I thought I had learned)  Later that summer, I had ridden my bike to a local large lake to go fishing.  Didn't catch anything, but some guy who was bow fishing gave me a couple of huge carp he had caught.  I put them in my bike basket and rode the hour ride back home (in the middle of the summer, no cooler, no ice, etc.).  Got home and told my mom I as going to make dinner.  She kind of looked at me and said, OK, but how are you going to cook it?  I said I would make a foil pack dinner like we had at scout camp.  I cleaned and wrapped the fish in foil, then got some raw potatoes and green beans from a can and wrapped them in foil.  Got the charcoal grill going with lots of charcoal and put the foil packets down on the coals.  My mom and sister both kept asking if they were done, I said you had to wait and that they would be real good.

Well over an hour later, my mom insisted I take them out.  I did, and opened them up.  The fish was bone dry and had the consistency and taste of old sawdust.  The potatoes and beans were charcoal. My mom had secretly made a  backup dinner - so we didn't starve.  I was about 12 back then.  I'm 60 now and my sister still says I can't cook and tells that story every chance she gets!

 

[tucson bbq fan]

Funniest cooking story - again from scouts.

I was a scoutmaster of a troop in Texas.  We got a whole crop of new scouts in the fall.  We went on a monthly weekend campout and the patrols had to plan their meals and cook themselves for the weekend.  By January, the new scouts were getting a bit adventurous.  during menu planning, they said they wanted to do BBQ chicken wings in the dutch oven since they had seen a patrol of older boys do that.  They got all the ingredients and off we went camping.  It was cold that weekend, and we even got a bit of snow.  I was cooking for the adult patrol, and we had just about finished our dinner when I noticed that the new scout patrol was still clustered around their dutch oven and had not yet even started to eat.  I sent our senior patrol leader over to find out what the problem was.  He came back  about 15 minutes later, walked up to me and cracked up.  The new scouts had carefully observed everything the older scouts did and tried to follow it exactly.  They had filled up a charcoal chimney with charcoal, waited a bit, then carefully arranged the charcoal under and over the dutch oven and then were waiting for their food to cook. But they forgot one step.  They never lit the charcoal!  They sat there for over an hour looking at black coals and wondering why their chicken was not cooking!  After a good (discrete) laugh, I sent the senior patrol leader over to invite them to come share our leftovers.  He then offered to help supervise their next meal.

To this day, I can still see that group of 11 year old boys, huddled in the cold around their dutch oven with unlit charcoal waiting for the wings to cook!

 

[yraen]

When I first started dating the GF, she cooked me a dinner.  She loved a broccoli, chicken and cheese dish.  I told her I didn't really care for broccoli (can't stand more like it, it stinks to me) but I would eat it.  I was already smoking chicken breasts for her salads, etc that she would vacuum seal and freeze and this was the chicken she was going to use.  I knew I could at least stomach some broccoli if it was covered in cheese and topped with smoked chicken.

Well the dish was ready and she filled my plate with green.  I never saw a hint of cheese and the chicken was MIA.  I picked at it and stomached a few bites before she had to go get something from the kitchen.  I quickly lowered my plate down to her dog to get it cleaned fast.  That dog would eat anything, I've seen this dog tear into a bag of potting soil and eat it, but the dang thing sniffed the plate, literally turned it's nose up and walked away.  The dog and I both bonded over this, we agreed that some things cannot be endured.  I ended up being forced to admit I couldn't take that meal. 

She still insists there was plenty of chicken and cheese in that meal when I tell the story but between us, it was all green.

 

[Bearcarver]

My worst meal ever was 45 years ago in Saigon, at a snack bar type place.

I asked what kind of sandwiches they had, and the girl said "Dock".

So I said OK, thinking the language thing meant a "Duck Sandwich".

It wasn't until I finished the sandwich that I found out her "Dock" was not "Duck"----------It was "Dog" !!!!

Bear

 

[b-one]

I had a nice 3 horrible meal stretch on a long weekend. We stayed at a cottage on the lake and at the local "fancy" restruant we ordered beef wellingtons they were so rare the pastry was barely cooked. They claimed that's how people from Chicago liked them there was only one person in the place besides us. Then we went to Applebee's for a "safe" meal and the sliced chicken breast was raw. The hat trick was at a highly recommend spot my choice was ny strip but was talked into the bbq ribs for they make there own sauce unfourtantly it was only straight ketchup:(.

 

[donr]

Dessert story really,

1)

Shortly after we were married, we were over at my folks house for Thanksgiving dinner.  My older sister had made the pumpkin pies completely from scratch.  My wife really like pumpkin pie.  My sister either didn't cook the pumpkin long enough or scraped too close to the skin.  The pies were stringy and gristly.  Like when you get celery stuck half way down your throat.

2)

The next year my younger sister made the pumpkin pies.  They were GREEN.  How the heck do you turn a pumpkin pie green?  Use Blackstrap molasses to sweeten them.  A little molasses would have been ok, but she went to town.  Tasted like slightly odd licorice.

Both years we had to make pies on Friday so my wife could have some.

Ever since, Thanksgiving dinner has been at my house and my wife flat out refuses to let anyone else bring dessert.

Rule #1.  Never experiment with food on a large group at any holiday.  Do it before hand.  If the wife approves, I can make whatever I want on the holidays.

Rule #2.  The recipe on the back of the Libby's pumpkin can makes a fairly decent pumpkin pie.  

Don

 

[slipaway]

Before I got married I had learned to cook by watching my mom and grandmothers cook. I figured that I had better learn or I would starve because I wasn't living at home my whole life.....

Anyway, When my wife and I were first married she wanted  some corned beef. I went and bought one and started up the grill. I did not know that you needed to soak the thing to get rid of all that salt, and that you don't cook corned beef on a grill. Have you ever tasted salt-crusted meat???

I have since learned to cook a lot better but my wife says she has not, and will not forget when I told her I could cook. And that was almost 40 years ago.................