Today's Allotment!

[sawhorseray]

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said:

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannonball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over I looked up, and one of them crapped in my eye!"

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird crap!"

"It was my first day with the hook."

 

[DRKsmoking]

Hard to pick just 1 so I enjoyed them all, great batch again

But, if I had to, Thanks Ray

David

 

[bauchjw]

Awesome, there were a lot of killers in there! I’m reading during a brief and getting glances for chuckling

 

[gmc2003]

Those are really good Ray, but I have to say the 4 son one is the best.

Chris

 

[JLeonard]

I will say I am in awe of the skills by the kid on the horse.
Great batch this morning!
Jim

 

[tbern]

thanks for the laughs! loved the ones that David picked out too!

 

[912smoker]

So many good ones RAY !
Like the cursive and stick shift

Keith

 

[old sarge]

Great ending to a rough day! Thanks!!

 

[MJB05615]

Excellent choices as usual, Ray. I also loved the 4 Boys' names. Thank you again my friend for brightening an otherwise mediocre day.

 

[GaryHibbert]

Wow!! Great batch of jokes today, Ray. Can't pick a favorite--the pirate, Texas tooth fairy, and NASA (which sadly, won't be understood by today's kids).

 

[GaryHibbert]

Gotta wonder how many discovered why a candle flame smells like burning nose hair???
Gary

 

[Brokenhandle]

Gotta wonder how many discovered why a candle flame smells like burning nose hair???
Gary

Think it started as...in the state of California...lol! I got a visual of that one too!
Great ones Ray! I loved em all but think the cursive and stick shift one was my favorite! I could drive a stick shift as a kid but my uncle's 3 on the tree threw me for a loop for a bit...had never seen or driven one before.

Ryan

 

[Gonna Smoke]

Great group of funnies, Ray!!

 

[GaryHibbert]

OK. I gotta ask. Who's the guy in "please don't die"??
Gary

 

[sawhorseray]

OK. I gotta ask. Who's the guy in "please don't die"??
Gary

Kevin Bacon, movie actor. RAY

 

[noboundaries]

I do miss a pasture full of horses behind a stick shift. Paddle shifting just ain't the same.