Twas the Night before Christmas, and under the house
my cellar of peppers sat safe from any mouse.
The sauces lined shelves, next to dried pods in glass,
and so I was ready for winter to pass.
Upstairs slept the family, with the tree, and all that,
And the big plate of cookies, and the red Santa hat.
But my private stash slumbered, all safe from the snow,
so quietly, to Christmas, upstairs I did go.
The children were napping, as cute as could be.
They hoped to awake, and catch Nick by the tree.
I waited as well, as I readied my gift:
Serious eggnog with a cold-weather hot-pepper lift!
The roof rang with hoofbeats, and the scrape of a sleigh.
At last, Father Christmas was heading my way!
A hush fell, and then, in the fireplace did fall
a handful of soot – but then, that was all.
I listened then, wondering what was the matter,
then a soft stifled sneeze and a clink and a clatter.
I bristled – he’d tricked me! Gone straight to the ashes!
Broke into the cellar, and was raiding my stashes!
Sure enough, there he was, with a couple of elves,
poking with flashlights and raiding my shelves.
Nick’s moustache was speckled with red pepper dust -
“That’s it! Knock it off man, this is a bust!”
With the lights on they froze, and then burst into action,
stuffing Santa away, mooning me for distraction.
I ran to the yard and stood, shaking my fist:
The sorrows of being on Nick’s chilehead list.
my cellar of peppers sat safe from any mouse.
The sauces lined shelves, next to dried pods in glass,
and so I was ready for winter to pass.
Upstairs slept the family, with the tree, and all that,
And the big plate of cookies, and the red Santa hat.
But my private stash slumbered, all safe from the snow,
so quietly, to Christmas, upstairs I did go.
The children were napping, as cute as could be.
They hoped to awake, and catch Nick by the tree.
I waited as well, as I readied my gift:
Serious eggnog with a cold-weather hot-pepper lift!
The roof rang with hoofbeats, and the scrape of a sleigh.
At last, Father Christmas was heading my way!
A hush fell, and then, in the fireplace did fall
a handful of soot – but then, that was all.
I listened then, wondering what was the matter,
then a soft stifled sneeze and a clink and a clatter.
I bristled – he’d tricked me! Gone straight to the ashes!
Broke into the cellar, and was raiding my stashes!
Sure enough, there he was, with a couple of elves,
poking with flashlights and raiding my shelves.
Nick’s moustache was speckled with red pepper dust -
“That’s it! Knock it off man, this is a bust!”
With the lights on they froze, and then burst into action,
stuffing Santa away, mooning me for distraction.
I ran to the yard and stood, shaking my fist:
The sorrows of being on Nick’s chilehead list.
