Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat have
gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Have you ever noticed that The Roman Numerals
for forty (40) are ' XL.'
If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong,
you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name
is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs?'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would
like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today, it's called golf.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight.
The real art of conversation is not only to say
the right thing at the right time, but also to leave
unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight,
because by then your body and your fat have
gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house
is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Have you ever noticed that The Roman Numerals
for forty (40) are ' XL.'
If you think there is good in everybody,
you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong,
you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name
is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words
'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs?'
Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you
stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
The older we get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the
roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and would
like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old when
everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground
with sticks, it was called witchcraft.
Today, it's called golf.
