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Top 6 smart *** answers

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

It was mealtime during a flight on Alaska Airlines.

'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked! John,
seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.

'Yes or no,' she replied.


A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.

As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench
coat and flashed her.

Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket
not your stub.'


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but
she couldn't
find one big enough for her family .

She asked a stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'

The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'


The cop got out of his car and motioned to the young man, who was
stopped for
speeding, to roll down his window.

'I've been waiting for you all day kid,' the cop said.

The kid replied, 'Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.


A truck driver was driving along on the freeway when a sign comes up
that reads, '
Warning Low Bridge Ahead.'

Before he can react, not only is the bridge right there ahead of him
but he gets
stuck under the bridge.

Before long cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up.

The cop gets out of his car and walks up to the truck driver, puts his
hands on his
hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'

The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and ran
out of gas.'


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow. I might
reconsider if a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or
a death in
your immediate family occurs, but that's it, I will accept no other
excuses what so

A smart-*** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
'What would you
say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is
the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly
says, 'Well
then, in that case, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your
other hand.' eek.gif
post #2 of 5
Those were great but #1 took the cake lol icon_smile.gif
post #3 of 5
Good ones! lol
post #4 of 5
Funny, very funny.
post #5 of 5
Thanks for the laughs.
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