LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
>
> An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
> car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
> situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering
> wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
>
> The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
>
> A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She
> got in the back-seat by mistake."
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
> _
>
> FAMILY
>
> Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
night
> the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
> yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
> The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She
> starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
> The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
> to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never
get
> that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and
help
> both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
> _
>
> "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
>
> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
> March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
>
> "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
>
> And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
>
> LITTLE LADY:
>
> A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home.
> As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
> "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
> her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
>
> He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
> the soup."
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
>
> OLD FRIENDS:
>
> Now this one is just too Precious... Two elderly ladies had been
> friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds
of
> activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited
> to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were
> playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get
> mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just
> can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
> remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
>
> Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
> and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
>
> SENIOR DRIVING
>
> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
> Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
> just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
> Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
>
> "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
>
> DRIVING
>
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
> see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
> intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
> The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing
> it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few
> more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
> again. Again, they went right through The woman in the passenger seat
> was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned
> that she was losing it. She was getting nervous At the next
> intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on
through.
> So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know
> that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
> killed us both!"
> Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"
>
> An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her
> car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her
> situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering
> wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
>
> The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
>
> A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says.
"She
> got in the back-seat by mistake."
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
> _
>
> FAMILY
>
> Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One
night
> the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She
> yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
> The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She
> starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
> The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening
> to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never
get
> that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and
help
> both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
> _
>
> "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
>
> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
> March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
>
> "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
>
> And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
>
> LITTLE LADY:
>
> A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing
home.
> As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
> "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
> her gown at him, she said, "Supersex."
>
> He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
> the soup."
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
>
> OLD FRIENDS:
>
> Now this one is just too Precious... Two elderly ladies had been
> friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds
of
> activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited
> to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were
> playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get
> mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just
> can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
> remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
>
> Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
> and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
>
> SENIOR DRIVING
>
> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
> Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I
> just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
> Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
>
> "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
>
>
__________________________________________________ _____________________
>
> DRIVING
>
> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
> see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
> intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
> The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing
> it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few
> more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red
> again. Again, they went right through The woman in the passenger seat
> was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned
> that she was losing it. She was getting nervous At the next
> intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on
through.
> So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know
> that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have
> killed us both!"
> Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"
