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  1. sawhorseray

    JUST WHAT U EXPECTED !!!

    Guide for Puppies 1. You are the most important creature in the universe, so act that way. 2. If you see it, you can chew on it. 3. When choosing an item to chew, look for wires. They offer a lot of chewing area, and if you chew through a live one, you will get a thrilling tingle. 4. Most...
  2. sawhorseray

    THE LONG WAIT IS OVER !!!

    A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with...
  3. sawhorseray

    HAPPY MONDAY !!!

    There is no egg in the eggplant, No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that: Quicksand takes you...
  4. sawhorseray

    JOKES ???

    I WENT TO POST SOME JOKES AND THAT THREAD WON'T OPEN UP. IS THIS A GLITCH THAT'S GOING TO GET FIXED? ASKING FOR A FRIEND. RAY
  5. sawhorseray

    TO BE CONTINUED, BUT WHY?

    Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After courting each other, they married. Their union was of course perfect. One night on Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a deserted road, when they noticed someone in distress on the side of the road...
  6. sawhorseray

    FORGOT WHAT I WAS HERE FOR!

    THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET OLD! An Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bakery. The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me." The Irishman replied, "That's...
  7. sawhorseray

    KETTLE RIBS

    NOW THAT I DON'T HAVE TO STAND OUT IN 113º AFTERNOON SUNLIGHT THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE NICE TO FIRE UP THE KETTLE AND SMOKE A RACK OF BACK RIBS. SEASONED WITH SPOG-BUTTRUB COMBO PUT THEM ON THE KETTLE WHEN THE CHARCOAL CHAIN WITH HICKORY CHUNKS WAS READY TO GO RIGHT AT NOON, TOP AND BOTTOM VENTS...
  8. sawhorseray

    IT NEVER STOPS !!!

    Well, Johnny be fair and Johnny be fine and wants me for to wed And I would marry Johnny, but my father up and said I'm sad to tell you daughter what your mother never knew But Johnny is a son of mine and so he's kin to you Well, Jimmy be fair and Jimmy be fine and wants me for to wed And I...
  9. sawhorseray

    GET OVER IT, I HAVE!

    A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual...
  10. sawhorseray

    Y BOTHER ???

    A Jehovah's Witness knocked on my door yesterday, so I answered it and asked if he wanted to come in he said, "Yeah, okay, thanks" I took him into the sitting room, and said, "I'm just making a cup of tea, would you like one?" He said, "Oh, sure, that would be great, thanks." I said...
  11. sawhorseray

    ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE !!!

    A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two...
  12. sawhorseray

    LIKE 'EM OR NOT, HERE THEY ARE!

    “A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”“John,” the new seaman replied.“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled...
  13. sawhorseray

    SUNDAY PUNDAY !!!

    Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So, he decides to go to the States before it is too late. He hops on the plane bound for...
  14. sawhorseray

    TO BE CONTINUED !!!

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the...
  15. sawhorseray

    PORNOGRAPHIC POLITICAL JOKES.............

    AREN'T ALLOWED ON A FAMILY FRIENDLY SITE LIKE SMF, SO DON'T EXPEXT TO SEE THAT KIND OF STUFF HERE! To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed...
  16. sawhorseray

    PRO 100 SPARES

    I HAVEN'T POSTED ANYTHING BUT JOKES FOR AWHILE SO IT WAS TIME TO SHOW I STILL SMOKE MEAT FROM TIME TO TIME. I USUALLY USE ONE OF MY KETTLES BUT IT'S JUST TOO DAMMED HOT HERE TO STAND OUT IN THE BLAZING SUN AND PLAY WITH CHARCOAL AND WOOD CHUNKS. PERFECT TIME TO BREAK OUT THE 20 YEAR-OLD CABELAS...
  17. sawhorseray

    HAPPY JULY 5TH!!!

    On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other...
  18. sawhorseray

    ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE!!!

    This photo was taken in 1946. The guy is Ken Shimizu. He is 35 years old with two children. Shimizu never runs, sleeps late, eats whatever he wants, even drink beer instead of water. He eats dinner with many kinds of food every night. What does Shimizu do to get such a body? Shimizu doesn't have...
  19. sawhorseray

    MORE 4 U!!!

    A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They thought it might have something to do with the transmission, so they couldn’t repair it while he waited. He told the mechanics that he didn’t live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware...
  20. sawhorseray

    PRETTY GOOD BATCH!!!

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