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For the Ladies of the Group - Time to Get Even!

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "

And they say blondes are dumb...
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
post #2 of 13
Thread Starter 
No defence from the male population? icon_mrgreen.gif
post #3 of 13
Excellent shot, Debi!
But you're gonna have to do better to hear some howling from my side of the fence!

post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 
I liked the one about the manuals! So true!
post #5 of 13
Excellent collection of jokes.
Brought a lot of laughs around our house.
post #6 of 13
Can't defend it, most of it is true!
post #7 of 13
HeHeHeHeHe....Funny chit Debi!!!!!icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
post #8 of 13
the pillow one is hilarious!!!

Lisa tongue.gif
post #9 of 13
OUCH!!!!!! Have you no shame woman. Ok they were pretty funny.
post #10 of 13
I resemble that remark. hey wate that chit ain't funny Ok it was a little funny
post #11 of 13
ouch....lol those were great
post #12 of 13
All I Have in defence.....

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?"

post #13 of 13
Thread Starter 
LOL THat's good!
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