I got kicked out of Target

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by meat hunter, Nov 6, 2009.

  1. meat hunter

    meat hunter Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    Every once in a while, I swing on over the Rants & Raves section of craigslist. Yeah, its usually filled with vile comments but I came across this one today, I thought it was pretty funny. Wife said it sounds like something I would have done. I did not know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult. I'll go with compliment LOL.
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    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.

    Dear Mrs. Jacobs,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Jacobs, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    And last, but not least:

    15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
  2. That's a good one
  3. mr mac

    mr mac Smoking Fanatic SMF Premier Member

    That had me laughing out loud!
  4. pepeskitty

    pepeskitty Smoking Fanatic

    Hey I just having fun and now we're not aloud back. Those people don't have a sense of humor.

    MH, why are you reading my mail? LOL

    Very funny stuff.
  5. That's what I needed to get my weekend kicked off !
  6. evo 9 guy

    evo 9 guy Smoke Blower

    Everytime I see this joke I can picture my dad. He would do something like this if he didnt have golf. Old Guys RULE! as he always says.
  7. oldschoolbbq

    oldschoolbbq Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    That's my next outing. Being retired I have time away from the Wife and I can have fun.......[​IMG]
  8. alx

    alx Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Number 2 is not a bad idea at all!!!!
  9. gnubee

    gnubee Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I didn't get caught but My wife wouldn't speak to me for about 3 days.

    Last Saturday while we were visiting a different city where I wouldn't likely be recognized at their Zellers store. It was busy as all get out, people everywhere. I picked up the Interphone and announced. Philip Ontokos 399, Philip Ontockos 399. I then scooted away leaving my wife standing there . Man was she mad. People all over the store were chuckling. Can't believe I didn't get caught.
  10. raceyb

    raceyb Smoking Fanatic

    This joke has been passed around for some time on the internet and it still brings me to laugh everytime I see it.[​IMG]
  11. dforbes

    dforbes Meat Mopper

    thats how those condoms got in my cart, my wife is still on my butt about those.

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