- Jun 21, 2007
- 8,432
- 41
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in
the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long
after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option.
I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running
very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the
engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to
the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break
wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops working, I will insist on taking
it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask
me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex,
sports or sex. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so just don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what you were wearing five
minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. It does not make your ass look
too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and
margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all,
the year 2007, I will share equally in the
housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming,
and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
wandering around in the garden with a
beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for
women to better understand men.
the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long
after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option.
I will win.
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running
very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the
engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to
the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break
wind, as a form of holy communion.
Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops working, I will insist on taking
it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask
me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex,
sports or sex. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so just don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what you were wearing five
minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. It does not make your ass look
too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and
margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all,
the year 2007, I will share equally in the
housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming,
and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
wandering around in the garden with a
beer, wondering what to do.
This has been a public service message for
women to better understand men.
