World history - As it really Happened

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by coyote, Apr 27, 2008.

  1. coyote

    coyote Master of the Pit

    > World History - As it Really Happened
    > Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
    > hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
    > would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
    > The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and
    > the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These
    > were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for
    > the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
    > Liberals and Conservatives.
    > Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
    > agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
    > while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they
    > just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
    > Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q and smoke at night while
    > they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the
    > Conservative movement.
    > Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
    > conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's/smokes and doing the sewing,
    > fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some
    > of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.
    > The rest became known as girliemen.
    > Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
    > invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting
    > to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
    > Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful
    > land animal on earth, the elephant . Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
    > Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine
    > or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
    > Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
    > Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
    > testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury
    > attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
    > Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the
    > pitcher also bat.
    > Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their
    > women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
    > construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
    > executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.
    > Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a
    > living.
    > Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide
    > what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened
    > than Americans.
    > That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
    > coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a
    > business of trying to get more for nothing.
    > Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may
    > have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
    > Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this
    > history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers. And to
    > more liberals just to piss them off.
  2. smokebuzz

    smokebuzz Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    How true...
  3. kookie

    kookie Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    lol.............How true how true.................

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