a kindergartener pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat but it was dead. How'd you know the cat was dead? She asked him. Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move, answered the child innocently. You did what!! the teacher exclaimed in surprise. You know, explain the boy, I leaned over and went, Pssst!, and it didn't move . a little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair while her Dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, sweetheart, your going to get hair on your twinkie, she says yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too. one summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, mommy, will you sleep with me tonight? The mother smiled and said, I can't honey, I have to sleep in Daddy's room. A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice," The big sissy" it was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, that is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress? The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip on microphone, yes, and my mom says it's a bitch to iron. When I was six months pregnant, with my third child, my 3 year old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower. She said, mommy, you're getting fat! I replied, yes honey, remember Mama has a baby growing in her tummy. I know, she replied, but what's growing in your butt! One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where chicken Little warns the former. She read, and chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, the sky is falling ! The teacher then asked the class, and what do you think that former said? One little girl raised her hand and said, Holy ****, a talking chicken!! the teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.