Things my Mother taught me

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by walking dude, Apr 24, 2008.

  1. walking dude

    walking dude Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member

    1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
    "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

    2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
    'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.

    3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
    'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the
    middle of next week!'

    4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
    Because I said so, that's why.'

    5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
    'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
    the store with me.

    6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
    Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident.'

    7. My mother taught me IRONY .
    'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'

    8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
    'Shut your mouth and eat your supper.'

    9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
    'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'

    10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
    'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone.'

    11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
    'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'

    12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    'if i told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'

    13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
    'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'

    14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
    'Stop acting like your father!'

    15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
    'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
    have wonderful parents like you do.'

    16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION
    'Just wait until we get home.'

    17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
    'You are going to get it when you get home!'

    18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
    'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that
    way.'

    19. My mother taught me ESP.
    'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'

    20. My mother taught me HUMOR .
    'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.'

    21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
    'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'

    22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
    'You're just like your father.'

    23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
    'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?'

    24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
    'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'

    25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
    'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.
     
  2. blacklab

    blacklab Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    lol that sums it up.
     
  3. kookie

    kookie Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Sounds about right..............
     
  4. Someone remind me to give my mom a hug and apologize for those 18 years.
     
  5. travcoman45

    travcoman45 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Yes sir, that's just bout the size of it. Mom new best.
     
  6. minn.bill

    minn.bill Smoking Fanatic SMF Premier Member

    did my mom raise you to ?
     

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