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Squirrel and Chuckie engagement announced....

Discussion in 'Beef' started by squirrel, Oct 12, 2010.

  1. squirrel

    squirrel Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    That's right my friends. The Bear introduced us and we had a first date and we are madly in love. I also have a confession, on our first date I kissed Chuckie. I declare it to the smokin’ gods I did. It could best be described as a scene from the original Rocky movie from 1976 (one of my favorites, by the way). When Rocky and Adrian first started seeing each other and she was in his apartment. I think he said something like this to her, so just pretend I am Rocky and Chuckie is Adrian so I would say to Chuckie:


    "I always knew you was pretty. I ain’t teasin’ ya. I just wanna kiss ya. You don’t have to kiss me back if ya don’t want. I wanna kiss you." After one soft kiss, Chuckie responded and tentatively, lightly returned the kiss. After the long-delayed moment, the pay-off was magical and natural. They passionately gave themselves to each other with more kisses and an embrace as they collapsed in each other’s arms next to the smoker.


    That’s pretty much how it went down. I may never be the same again. Sooo, here he is in all his 3.5 lbs. of glorious nakedness:



    Here he is after I gave him a nice massage and whispered sweet nothings to him. I used hickory and pecan wood to cook my truest of new loves. I roasted several heads of garlic and melted some clarified butter and basted him several times. I just couldn’t keep my hands off him. You know how it is when you are in a new relationship. But, ladies, you better enjoy it while you can because soon enough he'll start burping and farting and picking his nose and coughing up loogies and spittin’ em out the window doing 75 mph, and scratching his privates in public and showing some butt cleavage when he’s at your mom’s house.


    I took him to 165F and he was a stubborn little boy for a bit. I thought I was gonna have to get all Mel Gibson on him, but he saw the error of his ways and got up to temp without any further ado.


    So I wrapped him ever so gingerly in foil with some extra garlic gloves and clarified butter, told him a bedtime story and put him down for his nap. He napped for only about an hour before he had reached 190F. I didn’t want to pull him, but to make him a chunky Chuckie. Chuckie, Chuckie bo buckie, banana ..... never mind. I had big plans.



    I cut him into chunks. Look at that. I think he’s a purdy boy, all meaty and stuff.



    Then I heated up my cast iron skillet and seared all the edges on the chunks like so. Then I made a fancy red wine reduction. Pay no attention to the nasty stove, the maid will be here tomorrow. NO COMPRENDE LOVE YOU LONG TIME. Actually she's Korean and speaks no English and I'm very afraid of her even though she's only like three feet tall. She's a Hobbit I tell ya. A Korean Hobbit. She means bidness! She'll probably put me in a time out for making such a mess in the kitchen. "YOU SLOBBY" she will yell. Oh well, where was I:






    I sliced up some of those baby portabella’s that I did a cold smoke on just the other day and sauteed them in some EVOO. So I put everything back in the pot to heat the meat through.



    So while my beloved Chuckie was doing that voodoo that only he could do, I made some mashed potatoes. I love mashed potatoes alot. I don’t go overboard trying to make them perfectly smooth either. I always use heavy cream and real butter in my mashed potatoes. Why? Well, I like my potatoes like I like my men: RICH and LUMPY!!! LOL! Dang, I just made that up. I should probably try to interact with "real" people more often.


    And now my friends, here is the money shot. I grated some fresh parmesan on top:



    Thanks for sharing my first romantic experience with the Chuckster. So it is now time for me to put on my big Squirrel panties and smoke another brisket!


    The End.....
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2010
    hernando and bertman like this.
  2. pokey

    pokey Meat Mopper

    You are one sick puppy (puppette?), and one great cook! Looks wonderful, and I love the money shot. [​IMG]
  3. mballi3011

    mballi3011 Epic Pitmaster OTBS Member SMF Premier Member


    You are just like the spider Black Widow. You got old chuckie all hot and cosy and then you cut him up into pieces and ate him up. Probally with a big fat giant grin on your face too. With the still hot fluids of chuckie running down your chinny chinn chinn. You are one sick puppy there Cheryl and I love you more an more every day. Do you want to come live with us here in sunny Fla the wife says I can bring home a pet every now and then..........ROTFLMAO. Oh yea the chuckie look awesome and I bet quite tasty too.
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2010
  4. LMAO
  5. rp ribking

    rp ribking Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    I'll have a shot or mug or bottle of what ever you are Drinkin' Squirrel, just kiddin', but it all looks like a match made in Smokers Heaven. 
  6. hernando

    hernando Smoke Blower

    That looks oh so good. I may have to steal your love from you and get it in my metal smoker of love. Never tried a chuck but now I wanna.
  7. jirodriguez

    jirodriguez Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Man o' Man..... I am hungry and strangely aroused at the same time! LOL [​IMG]

    That is a great looking plate of food there Cheryl...... if you haven't tried it yet, next time you make mashed taters roast/smoke an entire head of garlic, then squish all the roasted garlic out and into your mashed tatters as you are mixing them up..... really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really yummy and good! [​IMG]
  8. fpnmf

    fpnmf Smoking Guru OTBS Member


    Thanks for sharing.
  9. tjohnson

    tjohnson Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator Insider OTBS Member SMF Premier Member


    I bet you could make "Dog Poop" look sexy!

    Love your posts!!!

  10. cowgirl

    cowgirl Legendary Pitmaster OTBS Member

    LOL when I first glanced at the top.. I thought you and Bear were engaged!

    I though Oh boy, our first forum romance! LOL

    Great looking chuck Squirrel... too funny! [​IMG]
  11. beer-b-q

    beer-b-q Epic Pitmaster OTBS Member

    How dare Bear introduce my Sweetheart to someone else...
  12. phrogs4ever

    phrogs4ever Fire Starter

    I think my wife was on to something when she started asking "are you on that barbecue porn site again?"

    Oh, and great looking Chuckie!
    palmburger likes this.
  13. Wow that looks great!!!
  14. Bearcarver

    Bearcarver SMF Hall of Fame Pitmaster Group Lead OTBS Member

    Looks unbelievably great, you crazy squirrel you !!!![​IMG]

    But just so everybody knows, she PM'd me for a couple tips, and at no time did I suggest any hugs, kisses, bumps, grinds, or squeezes to either Rocky Balboa, Chuckie, Mr T(Clubber Lang), Adrian, Paulie, or any other Philly boy!

    Squirrels Chuckie might look & taste better than mine, but none of that perverted stuff was in any of my step by steps!!! 

  15. deannc

    deannc Master of the Pit

    You sooooo funny!  LMAO  Another incredible dish by Squirrel!   [​IMG]

  16. squirrel

    squirrel Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Thanks everybody! Bear it was in there all right, it was all subliminal messages you had going on in yer "step by step" that caused me to get freaky with a Chuckie!

    I'm stealing your picture Dean, that day will NEVER happen, but it's funny as heck!
  17. Bearcarver

    Bearcarver SMF Hall of Fame Pitmaster Group Lead OTBS Member


    Need squirrels to feed my pet Bears:

  18. squirrel

    squirrel Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Holy cow, Bear that is beautiful! What great detail. I love the baby ones too! Oh, and I'll feed yer silly bear, with a LEFT HOOK!

  19. meateater

    meateater Legendary Pitmaster SMF Premier Member

    I'm dying here, LMAO! Squirrel, your handle should be "Twisted_Sister" Your grub sure looks awesome! [​IMG]
  20. dnvrdv

    dnvrdv Smoke Blower

    That looks awesome!!!! Going to have to try it
    Just can't show my wife yet! She'll want it for dinner tomorrow!