Sometimes, even when you do everything just exactly like the recipe says, the barbecue just doesnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t turn out right. If this is the case for you, you probably have overlooked some very important facts. These facts are not in the books. They are not on the web site. These things are secret. They have to be learned the hard way. At the risk of extreme censure by the “barbecue gods†I would like to give a glimpse into the secrets of great barbecue.
Great barbecue begins with the proper state of mind. Turn off the cell phone and grab a drink. Beer is best but a shot of Jack Daniels works just fine. What? You donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t drink? Ok, just fake it. If you omit this first part the second becomes even more important.
Allow only the right company to assist you in your cooking activity. For example, if your brother-in-law is helping you insist that he refrain from asking you about work (more on this later). Only people who love good barbecue should be allowed within a 100 meter diameter of the pit. Something about skinny little vegetarians gawking at the smoke and lecturing you and your buddies about the evils of a carnivorous lifestyle keeps the smoke from penetrating the meat. By the same token any employee of the IRS or similar type lurking too close to the meat or any of the cooking team will have a devastating effect on the whole operation.
Get very comfortable. Great barbecue takes time. There is no law that says you canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t barbecue in your house slippers and your barbecue sauce stained t-shirt with the big hole in the right arm pit. Funny hats help also. I like to find a lawn chair to sit in and watch the smoke curl out of the pit. Yes! You have to watch the smoke! Make sure that you can reach the cooler full of long neck beer from your chair. It does not hurt to have a least one son-in-law or other such relative on standby to fetch more beer or ice if the supply runs low.
Allow only the right kind of conversation in the presence of the barbecue. This is a very complex rule too vast too cover comprehensively here. For the sake of brevity I will list a few of the approved and the unapproved topics…
Approved Conversational Topics
1.Barbecue or anything related
2.The merits of different types of beer
3.The best “sippin†whiskey
4.Fishing
5.Hunting
6.Hunting dogs
7.How to make good homebrewed beer
8.Camping
9.Women (be very careful here)
10.Fishing while drinking beer and cooking barbecue
Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t Talk about these…
1.Work
2.Taxes
3.Shopping
4.Politics
5.Relatives (around here you never know who is kin to who)
6.Women (be very careful here)
7.Fancy French foods
Another factor that has a great effect on the taste of barbecue is the type of music that you listen to as you smoke your meat. It is not generally known that music has that effect on flavor. Again this is a complex subject. Here are some guidelines I try to follow.
Pork – It has to be the blues. My personal favorite,.. the late great Stevie Ray Vaughn. He was from Texas you know.
Any Beef Critter – Outlaw country music of course.
Any other meat – One of the above
Be careful with the selection, volume, etc. Barbecue can be very sensitive.
Oh, I almost forgot, make sure you have some good snacks to munch on during the process. Put the ABTs on first (I leave in a few seeds just for fun)
This is just a drop in the bucket. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m sure many of you experienced pit masters have discovered some of these unwritten rules in your quest for the perfect rack of ribs or the prize winning brisket. Feel free to share them with the rest of us.
Burk
Great barbecue begins with the proper state of mind. Turn off the cell phone and grab a drink. Beer is best but a shot of Jack Daniels works just fine. What? You donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t drink? Ok, just fake it. If you omit this first part the second becomes even more important.
Allow only the right company to assist you in your cooking activity. For example, if your brother-in-law is helping you insist that he refrain from asking you about work (more on this later). Only people who love good barbecue should be allowed within a 100 meter diameter of the pit. Something about skinny little vegetarians gawking at the smoke and lecturing you and your buddies about the evils of a carnivorous lifestyle keeps the smoke from penetrating the meat. By the same token any employee of the IRS or similar type lurking too close to the meat or any of the cooking team will have a devastating effect on the whole operation.
Get very comfortable. Great barbecue takes time. There is no law that says you canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t barbecue in your house slippers and your barbecue sauce stained t-shirt with the big hole in the right arm pit. Funny hats help also. I like to find a lawn chair to sit in and watch the smoke curl out of the pit. Yes! You have to watch the smoke! Make sure that you can reach the cooler full of long neck beer from your chair. It does not hurt to have a least one son-in-law or other such relative on standby to fetch more beer or ice if the supply runs low.
Allow only the right kind of conversation in the presence of the barbecue. This is a very complex rule too vast too cover comprehensively here. For the sake of brevity I will list a few of the approved and the unapproved topics…
Approved Conversational Topics
1.Barbecue or anything related
2.The merits of different types of beer
3.The best “sippin†whiskey
4.Fishing
5.Hunting
6.Hunting dogs
7.How to make good homebrewed beer
8.Camping
9.Women (be very careful here)
10.Fishing while drinking beer and cooking barbecue
Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t Talk about these…
1.Work
2.Taxes
3.Shopping
4.Politics
5.Relatives (around here you never know who is kin to who)
6.Women (be very careful here)
7.Fancy French foods
Another factor that has a great effect on the taste of barbecue is the type of music that you listen to as you smoke your meat. It is not generally known that music has that effect on flavor. Again this is a complex subject. Here are some guidelines I try to follow.
Pork – It has to be the blues. My personal favorite,.. the late great Stevie Ray Vaughn. He was from Texas you know.
Any Beef Critter – Outlaw country music of course.
Any other meat – One of the above
Be careful with the selection, volume, etc. Barbecue can be very sensitive.
Oh, I almost forgot, make sure you have some good snacks to munch on during the process. Put the ABTs on first (I leave in a few seeds just for fun)
This is just a drop in the bucket. Iâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]m sure many of you experienced pit masters have discovered some of these unwritten rules in your quest for the perfect rack of ribs or the prize winning brisket. Feel free to share them with the rest of us.
Burk