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Discussion in 'Jokes' started by newtgadget, Jul 9, 2006.

  1. newtgadget

    newtgadget Fire Starter

    >Another Goody For The Oldtimers
    >My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same
    cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn't seem to
    get food poisoning.
    >My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it
    raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in
    a brown paper bag, not in icepack coolers, but I can't remember getting
    >Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of
    a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.
    >The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and
    a pager was the school PA system.
    >We all took gym, not PE. and risked permanent injury with a pair of
    high top Keds (only worn in gym)
    >instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles
    and built in light reflectors. I can't recall any injuries but they
    must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
    >Flunking gym was not an option... even for stupid kids! I guess PE must
    be much harder than gym.
    >Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem,
    and staying in det ention after school caught all sorts of negative
    >We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health
    system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and
    >I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was
    allowed to be proud of myself.
    >I just can't recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station,
    Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.
    >Oh yeah.. and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got
    that bee sting? I could have been killed!
    >We played 'king of the hill' on piles of gravel left on vacant
    construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent
    bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn't sting
    like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked.
    >Now it's a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a
    $49 bott le of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the
    contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was
    such a threat.
    >We didn't act up at the neighbor's house either because if we did, we
    got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we
    got home.
    >I recall Donny Reynolds from next door coming over and doing his tricks
    on the front stoop, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know
    that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and
    swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
    >To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they
    were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?
    >We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We
    were obviously so duped by so many societal ills, that we didn't even
    notice that the entire country wasn't taking Prozac! How did we ever
    >Pass this to someone (over age 40, of course), and brighten their day
    by helping them to remember that life's most simple pleasures are very
    often the best!
    >I'd say Amen, but that wouldn't be
    >politically correct.
  2. Dutch

    Dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member OTBS Admin SMF Premier Member

    Hey, Newt-Thanks for the memories. . . 8) I'll be turning 50 next month. :(
  3. dave11

    dave11 Smoke Blower

    Thanks for the post Newt! Ill be sending it to friends. Earl, Ill be 50 in Sept. I know how ya feel! Those were the good old days!