old people jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by chrish, Jun 27, 2007.

  1. chrish

    chrish Smoking Fanatic

    An old man and his wife have gone to bed.


    After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."



    His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"


    The old man replied, "It's fart football!"



    A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -
    "Touchdown, tie score!"



    After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -
    "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"



    Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, -
    "Touchdown, tie score!"


    Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says -
    "Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!"



    Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.



    The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"



    The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
     
  2. chris_harper

    chris_harper Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    i am rotf. i read ot to my wife and she rotf also.
     
  3. smokin for life

    smokin for life Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    The cremated husband>>
    >>Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought
    his ashes home.
    Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the Patio
    table.
    Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to
    him...
    "Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with
    the
    insurance money!"
    She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
    "Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it
    with
    the insurance money!"
    Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in
    the
    ashes she said, "Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? I bought
    it
    too, with the insurance money!"
    Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said,
    "Herman, remember that bl** job I promised you?" Here it comes...
     
  4. smokin for life

    smokin for life Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    Subject: Funny - Senior Sex
    A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex therapist's
    office.

    The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us
    have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so
    amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he
    agrees.

    When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong
    with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, wishes them
    good luck, charges them $50, and says goodbye.

    The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to
    watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens
    several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse
    with no problems, pays the doctor, then leaves.

    Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry,
    but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

    The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and
    we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The
    Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and
    I get $43 back from Medicare."
     
  5. wvsmokeman

    wvsmokeman Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    [​IMG] LMAO...You guys are killin' me!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. deer meat

    deer meat Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    hilarious[​IMG]
     

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