old people jokes

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Smoking Fanatic
Original poster
May 2, 2007
An old man and his wife have gone to bed.

After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points."

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

The old man replied, "It's fart football!"

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -
"Touchdown, tie score!"

After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -
"Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"

Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, -
"Touchdown, tie score!"

Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says -
"Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14!"

Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed.

The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?"

The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
The cremated husband>>
>>Martha recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought
his ashes home.
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the Patio
Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to
"Herman, you know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought it with
insurance money!"
She paused for a minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Herman, remember that car you promised me? Well, I also bought it
the insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while tracing her fingers in
ashes she said, "Herman, that diamond ring you promised me? I bought
too, with the insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said,
"Herman, remember that bl** job I promised you?" Here it comes...
Subject: Funny - Senior Sex
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex therapist's

The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?" The man says, "Will you watch us
have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so
amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong
with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, wishes them
good luck, charges them $50, and says goodbye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to
watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens
several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse
with no problems, pays the doctor, then leaves.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I'm sorry,
but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and
we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The
Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and
I get $43 back from Medicare."
LMAO...You guys are killin' me!!!!!!!!!
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