Men are just happier

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by smokingd, Jun 27, 2009.

  1. MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

    NICKNAMES:



    *If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each
    other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
    *If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to
    each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.


    EATING OUT:



    *When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in
    $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything
    smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
    *When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


    MONEY:



    *A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
    *A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's
    on sale.


    BATHROOMS:



    *A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
    shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel
    *The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is
    337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


    ARGUMENTS:



    *A woman has the last word in any argument.
    *Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new
    argument.


    FUTURE:


    *A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    *A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


    SUCCESS:


    *A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    *A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


    MARRIAGE:


    *A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    *A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


    DRESSING UP:


    *A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty
    the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
    *A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


    NATURAL:


    *Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    *Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


    OFFSPRING:


    *Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows
    about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods,
    secret fears and hopes and dreams.
    *A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
    A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
    remembering the same thing!
     
  2. rivet

    rivet Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    I am vaguely aware that 2 short people will be flying in from Virginia to spend the summer with us. Today.

    It's 11:08 AM and I am still unsure of what time they arrive. Mrs. Rivet will let me know when it is time to go to the airport and pick them up.

    I think I'll be able to recognize them....they are lean, boney, and will break out in biggrins when they spot me!
     

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