Michael Oâ€™Rourke walked into the local pub and sat down. First thing that Sean the bartender noticed was that his friend of many years was bruised and scratched all over his face and that his cloths were ripped badly. "And what in the name of St. Patrick has happened to you?â€ asked Sean. 'It is the dastardly work of Miles Kelly." Oâ€™Rourke replied. "What?" Gasped Sean, knowing how small of a fellow Kelly was. "Well Kelly must have been holding something in his hands to do damage like this." "Aye, he was," sighed Oâ€™Rourke. "That he was, he was wielding a piece of pipe, the devil." "And where you holding anything yourself?" inquired Sean. "Aye, that I was," returned Oâ€™Rourke. "I was holding Mrs. Kelly, and a lovely thing she is! But sheâ€™s not much good in a fight!â€ ~~~~~~~~~~ Paddy and Sean are in the pub and its closing time. They start to leave, but it's a miserable night - a driving cold rain and fog. They start across the street and a taxi comes around the corner and runs poor Paddy down. Paddy is lying in the gutter with the rain pouring down on him and Sean leans down to try and comfort his dying friend. "Paddy," says Sean, "It doesn't look good, do you want me to call you a priest?" Paddy looks up at Sean and in a weak voice responds, "No...call a rabbi." "A rabbi?" says Sean, "Why a rabbi??" "Ah," says Paddy, "sure and I wouldn't want to get the good Father out on a night like this." ~~~~~~~~ Paddy Flynn is making his uneven way home after a night of drinking when he stumbles into Father Costello. The good Father "tsk, tsk"s at Paddy and says, "Well, Patrick, it appears I won't be seeing you in heaven now will I?" Paddy looks startled and pulls himself erect before he replies, "Why not, Father? What have you done?" ~~~~~~~~~ Happy St. Paddy's Day to ya!