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joke # 2

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by larry maddock, Nov 11, 2005.

  1. larry maddock

    larry maddock Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    yo dudes and dudettes,

    A fire started on a patch of prairie grasses near a farm. The county fire department was called, but the fire was more than they could handle. Someone suggested that the nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit could really help, the call was made.

    The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck that rumbled straight into the middle of the flames. The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.

    The farmer was so impressed and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000 on the spot. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.

    "That ought to be obvious, " he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"
  2. Dutch

    Dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member OTBS Admin SMF Premier Member

  3. larry maddock

    larry maddock Master of the Pit OTBS Member

  4. larry maddock

    larry maddock Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The
    turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is
    struck by lightning. One woman, in particular, loses it. Screaming, she
    stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails.
    Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on
    earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me
    feel like a WOMAN?"

    For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril.
    They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the
    plane. Then a cowboy from Wyoming stands up in the rear of the plane. He
    is handsome: well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts
    to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt, one button at a
    time. No one moves. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his
    chest. She gasps...He whispers . . . "Iron this. Then get me a beer."

    George CARLIN said it best about Martha Stewart... "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too. But they take the one woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her ass off to jail???"
  5. larry maddock

    larry maddock Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington
    recently was faced with a unique problem.

    A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and
    would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put
    on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving
    dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would
    remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.
    Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
    She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
    maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were
    causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the
    mirrors every night.

    To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she
    asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was
    required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the
    toilets, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been
    no lip prints on the mirror.

    There are teachers, and then there are educators.
  6. larry maddock

    larry maddock Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Retirees Looking for the Lost in Wal-MartTwo old guys arepushing
    >> carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
    >> The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm
    >> looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where
    >> I was
    >> going."
    >> The second old guy says,
    >> "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too.
    >> I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
    >> The first old guy says,
    >> "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?
    >> The second old guy says,
    >> "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long
    >> legs,
    >> big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts.
    >> What does your wife look like?"
    >> The first old guy says,
    >> "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
  7. larry maddock

    larry maddock Master of the Pit OTBS Member