I Love This Doctor

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by blackhawk19, Aug 26, 2007.

  1. blackhawk19

    blackhawk19 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

    Q:
    I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

    A:
    Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the lifeof your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A:
    You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A:
    No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.Brandyis distilled wine , that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beeris also made out of grain. Bottoms up! Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A:
    Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A:
    Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good! Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A:
    You're not listening....Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A:
    Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A:
    Are you crazy? HELLOCocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around!! Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A:
    If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me. Q: Is getting in-shape important for my l ifestyle?

    A:
    Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !


    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember:

    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to
    skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

    __._,_.___
     
  2. meowey

    meowey Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Sign me up to be one of his patients!

    Take care, have fun, and do good!

    Regards,

    Meowey
     
  3. deejaydebi

    deejaydebi Smoking Guru

    LOL I like that guy!
     
  4. bigarm's smokin

    bigarm's smokin Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Me too, makes perfect sense to me. [​IMG] Terry
     

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