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how we came to put an angel on the tree

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by chris_harper, Dec 19, 2006.

  1. chris_harper

    chris_harper Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys
    as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas
    pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which
    stressed Santa even more.

    When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were
    about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out,
    Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the
    floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were
    scattered. So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider
    and a shot of rum.

    When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the
    cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally
    dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces
    all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found
    the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

    just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door,
    yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big
    Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas,
    Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where
    would you like me to stick it?"

    And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas
  2. chris_harper

    chris_harper Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog Lola and was
    in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........>

    I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse I told her no, I was starting
    The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended
    up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
    awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
    orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

    I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying
    it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way
    it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply
    eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is
    nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

    I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
    enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

    Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and
    was that why I ended up in the hospital. I said no.....I'd been sitting
    in the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

    I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
  3. kennymn

    kennymn Meat Mopper

    Chris - That was good !!!!! LOL
  4. linescum

    linescum Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    i just fell off my chair....gawd that was a good one
  5. pigcicles

    pigcicles Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    TOOO SWEEET! I gotta remember that one... excuse me while i wipe away the tears LOL
  6. pigcicles

    pigcicles Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    .... Ohhh and Lady... Here's Your Sign! Still get tickled when I think about it!
  7. Dutch

    Dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member OTBS Admin SMF Premier Member

    Just as long as you don't start chasing cars. . .:P