How to Shower-Rated PG-13

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by dutch, Nov 6, 2005.

  1. dutch

    dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

    Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

    Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

    Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

    Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

    Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

    Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

    Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

    Rinse conditioner off hair.

    Shave armpits and legs.

    Turn off shower.

    Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

    Spray mold spots with Tilex.

    Get out of shower.

    Dry with towel the size of a small country.

    Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

    Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

    Walk naked to the bathroom.

    If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound.

    Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

    Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your toosh.

    Get in the shower.

    Wash your face.

    Wash your armpits.

    Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

    Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

    Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

    Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

    Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk (with what hair you still have).

    Pee.

    Rinse off and get out of shower.

    Partially dry off.

    Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

    Admire wiener size in mirror again.

    Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

    Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again.

    Throw wet towel on bed.

    If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you. Have a great day!

    Oh, and....woo-woo!!! :D 8)
     
  2. bwsmith_2000

    bwsmith_2000 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Dutch (AKA Mr. Fanatic),
    Good one!! I couldn't help but laugh because it's not too far from the truth. I have to admit though that I don't do too much admiring these days and a really good winer shake at the wife usually brings more of "Hurmpff" or a giggle depending on her mood.

    Wooo - Wooo
    Fl. Bill
     
  3. dutch

    dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Fl. Bill-
    When my co-worker sent that to me I was in the process of swallowing some Pepsi. You know what it feels like to shoot Pepsi out of your nostrils and then having to clean off the monitor?

    PS: Thanks for the new title "Mr. Fanatic", I'm going to "borrow" if you don't mind.
     
  4. thats a good one!!!!!!!!
     
  5. bwsmith_2000

    bwsmith_2000 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Hi Dutch,
    I'm with you on the Pepsi through the nostril trick. Just bringing up that vision almost made me send a big gulp of George Dickel through my nostrils. And to add insult to injury, having to clean up the monitor!! Good one Dutch. Life is good. By the way, what's in the smoker this weekend. I think I'm doing chicken.

    Fl. Bill
     
  6. Dutch, Nice one.....
    I always thought what happened in my own house and bathroom was private :oops: I guess it's time to stop shakin' the wiener at the wife and make sure the shades are pulled...... This was some good readin!!!

    On a real life story note.... The other nite I went into the bathroom while the wife was in the shower and thought I'd jump up on the edge of the tub and peak over the shower curtain to scare her. What really happened was as I stepped up on the tub I slipped..... grabbed anything I could and crashed to the floor pulling the shower curtain and curtain rod with me!! It scared her alright. I ended up looking at a very unhappy (but cute) naked body chewin' my a$$ for what I'd attempted to do...... I promptly put the shower cutain back up, and slinked out of the bathroom...... I've been doin that trick for most of the 19+ years we've been married and that was the first time something like that happened......
     
  7. dutch

    dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    My Bride would have made me sleep on the couch if that happened to me! Luckily, in the 27 years that we've been married, I haven't had to sleep on the couch yet!!
     

Share This Page